


heartlines

by breakingatthecracks



Category: Girl Meets World, Hartthews - Fandom, rilaya - Fandom
Genre: College, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2018-08-19 21:31:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8225368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breakingatthecracks/pseuds/breakingatthecracks
Summary: The funny thing about growing up is that it has a way of showing you all the things your eyes missed before; like Riley, when she finally realizes that Maya has been in  love with her all along.(In which, they’re in college and it’s tough—but they keep gravitating back to one another because maybe that’s just how the world works.)





	1. Girl Meets University

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to see these girls in college, you know. When they're old enough to see what's been there all along. And also, it got lonely living so far away from home. So there. I hope you let me know what you think in the comments!

“This is it, huh,” Topanga remarks, looking around the tiny dorm room as Lucas settles the final box from the pick-up.

“This is it, Mom,” Riley nods with a smile. “I can’t believe I’m going to be so far away from you,” she adds, darting looks between her Mom and Dad.

Auggie, who now prefers to be called August, chuckles from his place on Riley’s single bed, “Riley, our house is 10 minutes away.” He adds, “On foot.”

Cory grins, “Fifteen with traffic.”

Riley manages a small laugh.

The decision to go to NYU wasn’t a hard choice. NYU is where her mom got her Law degree; and it is actually just 10 minutes away from home. _On foot_. She got accepted to several schools including one in Michigan and Boston but she couldn’t imagine living that far away from her parents.

Besides, she’s already here in New York. A lot of people her age can only dream of coming here. She wasn’t going to waste that opportunity. She’s just thankful that her parents allowed her to live on-campus.

Cory didn’t want to at first but Riley made a very elaborate argument about having a University experience she can only get if she’s living independently, even if it’s just on a different building in the same neighborhood.

Topanga had agreed with Riley and really, that was the end of the discussion and Cory knew it.

“Well, it’s time for us to go, honey,” Cory say as he spreads his arms to his sides, inviting his daughter for one last hug.

Riley smiles and goes in for the hug; and like clockwork, Topanga joins in.

August just looks at them which earns him a glare from her mother, “Auggie, come on. Hug your sister.”

Left without a choice, August hops off the bed and joins the Matthews family hug, “Ugh.”

Lucas takes out his phone and takes a picture of the moment.

After a few moments, Cory, Topanga, and August are gone, leaving just Lucas and Riley to themselves inside the tiny dorm room.

“You’re going to have a roommate,” Lucas says, eyeing the other bed on the opposite side of the room.

Riley’s smile is wide, “Yeah, I checked the Random box.”

Lucas mocks a proud nod, “Look at you, all grown up and shit.”

Riley just laughs as she settles on her bed. The room is still bare. She’ll need the next two days to completely Riley-fy her side of the room but for now, this feels right.

“Look at us, all grown up and shit.”

Lucas lets out a breath, “Best of luck settling in.”

“I hope my roommate is nice.”

“Not too nice, I hope.”

“Yeah, not too nice.”

None of them admits that Maya crosses their minds at that.

Silence settles them for a while and it’s when Riley realizes that she and Lucas never really knew how to be alone. After the whole _Triangle_ has ended, they dated each other until three years later, when they can no longer deny that the spark has been long gone.

Up until this day, Riley still wonders if there was ever a spark.

They broke up the summer before their senior year, both deciding to stay friends but not before they took a few weeks without communication. It all worked well. Their little group of misfits eventually became the kings of high school.

Until it was time to graduate.

Suddenly, Riley is about to meet the rest of the world by herself.

“I better keep going,” Lucas says with a bittersweet smile. He knows this is the last she’ll see Riley for a while.

“Yeah, of course,” Riley nods. She stands and walks to where Lucas is standing, “Thanks for helping out today.”

“Anytime,” he says.

They gaze into each other’s eyes and for the last time, Riley tries to reach out to the part of her that once thought he was the one. But at this moment, it’s clear.

 _He’s not the one_.

As good of a relationship it was, he’s simply not the Cory to her Topanga.

“Goodbye, Riley.”

“Goodbye, Lucas.”

It feels like she’s bidding goodbye to something else entirely, like the possibility of them being _them_ again.

She walks him to the door and kisses his cheek before he turns to leave. She watches him go and completely disappear once he turns the corner.

All a sudden, she’s alone inside a room she can barely call her own. The sound of the city is so far away even though the building is standing right in the middle of it.

None of it makes sense.

New beginnings are weird.

.

Just a few minutes after the sun had set, Riley was able to finish dressing her bed and pulling out a couple of pictures for her desk.

She took her time sorting out the pictures she’s going to display. After all, it’s a Saturday and her classes don’t start until Tuesday. She has time.

Of course, there’s a picture of her with her parents and her brother. There’s a picture of her with her friends—Farkle, Smackle, Lucas, Zay, and Maya. But perhaps, the one that grounds her the most is that of her and Maya.

Just looking at it makes her smile.

It’s a picture of them taken on the day they graduated high school. They’re both wearing their graduation cap and gown, sitting happily by the bay window. Riley is making a goofy face at the camera while Maya is looking at her smilingly, her eyes shining of something Riley can’t put a finger on.

It’s her favorite picture of her and her bestfriend.

Like a cool joke, her phone rings and she instantly recognizes that special ringtone. She grabs her phone from the desk and throws herself into the bed as she answers the call.

“Peaches,” she opens, her smile wide and warm. Her ceiling above her is pale but her eyes are shining.

“Hey, sweetie,” the voice from the other line greets. Riley can tell she’s smiling in that way she always does when she’s calling Riley by her pet name.

“I am so glad you called,” Riley tells her.

“I told you I will.”

“I miss you already!” she whines childishly. “Why did you have to be so far away?”

“Because this is the only school that’s willing to give me a full ride,” Maya says. “It’s only three hours away, Riles.”

“I know,” Riley says with a sigh. Since she’d learned about where all of her friends are going after high school, she’d felt this constant pull in her chest.

Farkle and Smackle are both going to MIT. Lucas and Zay are headed to North Carolina to pursue their baseball scholarships. And then there’s Maya.

After her first solo showcase last year, Maya got tons of calls from different art schools. They’d invited her for a tour and Maya only entertained the schools closest to home. In the end, she picked Pennsylvania College of Art & Design in Lancaster which is approximately three hours from NYC.

Not that Riley was calculating. Not that she’d researched different ways of cutting down the commute time.

“Hey,” Maya pulls her out of her thoughts. Riley knows she’d sensed whatever Riley was feeling. She’s Maya, of course, she’d sense it. “What did I tell you when you got into NYU?”

Riley smiles and the mimics Maya’s voice, “ _Good luck spending college life in the same neighborhood as your father_.”

Maya laughs, loud. And there’s that pull in her chest again.

“No, I mean after that.”

“ _If you need me to come home to you every week, I will,_ ” Riley recites and almost tears up, again feeling how sincere Maya was when she said those words.

“And I mean it,” Maya follows through from the other line.

“I just—” Riley stutters. “We’ve done everything together all our lives.”

“Riles, we’re just growing up, that’s all. You’re in New York, I’m in Pennsylvania. I’m not usually this optimistic but the only thing that’s going to change is our zip code. I’m Peaches and you’re every single term of endearment I can think of.”

This makes Riley smile.

Maya was the first one who moved out. She got a cheap deal for a dorm room on-campus which required her to move in earlier than usual.

The next ones who moved out were Farkle and Smackle. It was Riley’s turn and then there’s Zay and Lucas who will be moving to North Carolina tomorrow.

“How’s your roommate?” Riley asks, trying to get rid of that feeling in her gut. “Is she better than me?”

Maya laughs again, “She’s been absent so far. But maybe, we’ll see. Who knows, I might find somebody else who turns gold at 5:30.”

“Maya! I will hurt them!” she spats and gasps the moment it left her mouth. It was worth it, ‘cause she can hear Maya laughing on the other line.

“Relax, Drama Queen. My roommate could be Michelle Obama and she still wouldn’t be better than you.”

“Well, good to know I am still better than the best first lady who ever lived.”

They settle for a comfortable silence after that. Though Riley hates silence in general, silence with Maya is easy. Anything with Maya is easy.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t make it today. I was short on cash.”

Riley had known this, that’s why she really didn’t complain or demand much. After all, they’re all growing up now and the world is no longer a large-scale version of Rileytown. It’s real world time now and this world needs Riley and Maya to be three hours and $45 away from each other.

“It’s okay, Maya. It would’ve been so much better if you’re here but I’m fine. I’ll see you soon, right?”

“How soon do you want me to be there?”

“Next week?”

“I’ve got a better idea.”

“What?”

“Open the door.”

Riley’s eyes widen in an instant as she quickly jumps off her bed and runs the short distance to the door. She grabs the knob and swings the door open with a force similar to actually ripping it from the frame.

And on the other side stands Maya, still very Maya even though they haven’t seen each other in three weeks. She’s still holding her phone close to her ear.

“Sweetie,” Maya greets with a smile.

“Peaches,” Riley greets back, pulling her best friend for a crushing hug. It’s the first time since Maya left that the weird pull in her chest stopped making loud noises. For a moment there, it’s peaceful. For a moment there, her world is in place and the ground under her feet stops shaking.

Just by showing up at her doorstep, Maya was able to put Riley’s world back together. That’s what best friends are for, right? They travel three hours from a different state just to share a special moment with you.

“You’re here,” Riley mutters as they pull apart.

“Of course. I just couldn’t get in earlier ‘cause I had a job interview at the café near the school.”

“Did you get the job?”

Maya shrugs, smug, “They gave me a few hours per week. How else will I ever afford coming home to you when you need me?”

Riley grins and once again pulls Maya in a hug. Her heart is beating fast for some odd reason but she ignores it. She’s ignoring so many odd feelings right now because Maya is here and it’s all that ever matters.

“Are you ever going to let me in or—”

Riley cuts her off by tugging at her wrist to drag her inside the room. They share a laugh and the normality of it manages to strip away any kind of fear that had clung onto Riley.

They’re going to be fine. She just knows.

And just like that, Riley… Riley is Riley again.

.

Riley is woken up the next day by the sound of footsteps tentatively padding across the room.

Though reluctantly, she opens her eyes and wills herself up. By the time her environment registers to her, she sees someone standing in the middle of the room, smiling at her in this way that you know they’re apologetic for waking you up.

“Hi,” the girl greets with a small smile.

Though she really has no idea who the girl is, Riley manages a smile and a small wave. She rubs her eyes with her knuckles as if still trying to wake herself up.

“I’m your roommate,” the girl tells her and that’s only the time Riley makes sense of it.

“Oh! Right!” she grins so stupidly wide as she hops off her bed and crosses the room in one stride. “I’m Riley!” she introduces herself. She extends her hand to the stranger.

The stranger smiles, this time wider too, as she shakes Riley’s hand, “Aria.”

“Aria, that’s a cool name.”

For a moment there, Riley studies Aria. She’s not a lot taller than Riley but she seems more mature. It’s the way she had chosen to choose this heavily patterned white top with her plain black skirt; or the way she’d chosen those dark brown calf boots; or the way her short, brunette hair ends just above her shoulders. There’s something seasoned about her, maybe that’s why Riley has a feeling they’d get along just fine.

“Thanks,” Aria says. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“Nah,” she dismisses casually. “We just had a long night, is all.”

“We?”

And that reminds her—

She turns around only to find her bed empty.

“My bestfriend spent the night,” she says, slightly confused. _Where the hell are you, Maya?_

After spending hours just talking about the last three weeks they’ve been apart, Maya and Riley had fallen asleep beside each other on Riley’s tiny bed. The space was small but they’ve managed, and Riley still wonders how they did that.

“She must’ve slipped out for a bit,” Riley concludes, turning back to Aria.

Before Aria could utter another word, a ball of sleepy mess that is Maya walks effortlessly inside the room with a paper bag on one hand and a tray of two cups on the other.

“I got hungry,” she mutters under breath.

Something happens in that exact moment.

It’s probably that slight ray of sunlight that managed to slither through the half-covered windows; or maybe the way her blonde hair is all up in a loose bun that only highlights her face—but right at that moment, Riley sees Maya in a completely different way. And in a way she’s never seen her before.

Right at that moment, when Maya is sleepy and a tad vulnerable, Riley feels something that’s in equal parts powerful and tender. She can’t quite explain it.

It’s real. She feels it in her gut. And you see, Riley feels a lot of things. She can feel five different kinds of feelings in the span of two seconds but this is different.

Seeing Maya there, standing by her door as this new life dawns upon them, something inside Riley shifts.

She doesn’t know how to name it.

It’s because she’s never felt it before.

.

Before she realizes it, Maya and Aria have already acquainted themselves with each other. As Riley sits there completely dumbstruck with her personal moment earlier, her bestfriend and her roommate have already bonded.

Turns out, they are both artists. Aria is a second-year transferee from UPenn who transferred to NYU because she wanted to _get away_. Maya reacts with a good-natured mockery to it, saying, “You are terrible at making decisions,” in which Aria responded with a laugh.

Riley had laughed with her as well but deep inside, she’s still torn between trying to name that feeling from earlier and wondering how Maya is so good with people despite claiming to hate them.

It’s an artist thing, Riley guesses.

.

Riley finds herself that night slumped on her bed, looking at the plain ceiling above her. Maya is already about two and a half hours on her journey back to Lancaster.

Aria has just finished setting up her bed and is currently typing away at her laptop.

“Aria, can I ask you something?” Riley opens, eyes still on the bland ceiling.

“Hmm?” Aria hums.

Riley takes it as a go-signal, “You’re good with words, right?”

“I hope so.”

Riley turns to Aria just as the other girl is looking up from the screen of her laptop, “Is it possible to miss something that’s been in front of you all along?”

If she’s intrigued by the question, Aria doesn’t show it. “Yeah,” she nods.

“Even if it’s something so big? Like life-changing big?”

“Hmm,” Aria thinks for a moment. “I think that we don’t necessarily miss it. I believe that big things come in different forms at different moments in our life.”

“That’s deep,” Riley grins despite herself.

Aria smiles, “You know how sometimes, when you read a chapter in a book and parts of it don’t make sense at all so you just interpret it the way you’ve understood the narrative? And when you get to the end when the story concludes, you’re like _‘oh, that’s why Chapter 12 was so fuckin’ weird’_?”

Riley nods, getting exactly what Aria is trying to say.

“It’s exactly like that, except with people it’s harder to tell when that _weird_ _Chapter 12_ happens. Sometimes, it’s a series of _weird Chapter 12s_ until you realize it’s been happening all along.”

This silences Riley for a while. But she recovers, “So, I’ve been seeing it this whole time and I’ve just never really saw it right?”

Aria manages a tight-lipped smile as she nods in agreement.

Riley doesn’t respond to that anymore and instead focuses on that feeling in her gut that’s telling her that the moment from this morning is something else.

Her phone beeps and it serves as a welcome distraction.

It’s Maya.

**_Honey, I’m home._ **

Riley releases a sigh. She wonders if Maya felt butterflies in her stomach when she sent this text because all Riley could feel right now are butterflies and somersaults.

And she thinks of blonde hair and blue eyes and for a split second she wonders how many more signs she’d been missing all this time.


	2. Girl Meets First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maya smiles and her eyes are smiling, too. And Riley thinks of blonde hair and blue eyes, and she thinks she knows why it never worked out with Lucas.

_Keep it cool, Riley. Keep it cool._

These are the words that Riley keeps repeating to herself as she walks down the halls of this rather unfamiliar building.

It’s the first day of college and though she only has two classes today, it doesn’t make it any less big.

She pulls out her phone and double checks the room of her first class, _History 101: Historical Interpretations._

Quite frankly, she’s surprised she took up History as a major. All her life, she thought she wasn’t going to be like her father.

Don’t get her wrong. Her father she is a good teacher. He’s one of the good ones and Riley would be honored to be even just a tiny bit like him. But Riley can’t see herself as a teacher. So she’s not a Cory. She can’t see herself as a lawyer, so she’s no Topanga either.

But back in the days of electives, she’d chosen to take up subjects that were sort of… safe—you know those subjects you pick because you’re sure you won’t fail and also because she really has no idea what she’s interested in.

She isn’t a Farkle or a Smackle—those kids who know exactly what they want. They both took the Science path. Farkle wants to become a scientist someday and Smackle is decided on taking on something more on the technology side of things.

Riley isn’t a Zay or a Lucas—those two have golden tickets to their dreams. They wanted to be prized athletes and they both have the skill to make it.

And she certainly isn’t a Maya. Not at all. Maya is a great artist; and Maya is a force to reckon with when she sets her heart onto something.

Riley… Riley on the other hand isn’t _extremely good_ at anything. She can do a little bit of science and a little bit of athletics, sometimes a little bit of math; and when Maya really pushes her, she can do a little bit of art. But Riley can’t think of talent or a skill that she would want to build her whole life on. Not science. Not sports. Not art.

So she settles on being _just Riley_. All her life, being _just Riley_ has always been enough. Unfortunately,  _just Riley_ isn't a program offered at NYU.

She reaches Room 607 just in time; and by just in time she means she’s five minutes earlier. To her surprise, she isn’t the first one in. A couple of students are already inside the big lecture room.

She steps inside the room and walks toward the aisle where a set of stairs leads to the top row of seats. She settles for the middle part of the room. It’s a big room and maybe, it’ll feel less big sitting right in the middle.

It’s a wonderful change from all those years she’d sat front row.

The room could fit about 50 students. 50 new people. 50 new souls.

She wonders for a bit if any of these 50 new people could be her friends.

She wonders for a bit if any of them is like Maya.

She wonders for a bit about how Maya is. Or what she’s doing now. Is she having a blast in art school?

She wonders for a bit about Maya because the last few days, it’s all her mind ever does.

.

Her classes ended sooner than she had wanted.

By the time she’s walking back to her dorm, she can already recall a couple of faces that she shares the same classes with. She intends to speak with them the next time she shares a class with some of them.

College is weird.

All these people coming and going in different classes, and they expect you to get along just fine? It’s weird. Riley's usually optimistic but this is just ridiculous.

She passes by a Chinese restaurant on her way back to her dorm. She grabs her phone from the pocket of her coat and punches a text to Aria.

_Are you home? I could grab some dinner._

Riley momentarily steps to the aside and waits for Aria’s reply. While waiting, she opens her Facebook Messenger app and what greets her instantly makes her smile.

Maya has been sending her chats all-day long.

She’s been sending pictures of her classmates’ work in _Drawing 101_ and makes a reference to what horrible job Riley’s done before during art class. She punches a text to her bestfriend.

**To Maya:  
My classes are done. And also, my purple cat is legendary.**

She smiles to herself thinking of all the legendary art classes they’ve had together. Riley for a second wonders if Maya’s first day has been strange.

Today was strange for Riley.

Don’t get her wrong. After the initial first day anxiety has worn off, she started getting comfortable and already got the slightest idea of how her classes are going to be like.

Still, not having her friends around is weird. She’s seen someone in the class who’s probably as smart as Farkle. She’s seen someone as cute as Lucas. She’s even seen some people like Smackle and Zay.

But there was no one there who was like Maya.

No one is making funny comments about what the teacher is saying. No one is doodling random stuff in her notebook when she thinks no one is looking. And granted, this isn’t high school anymore but somehow, Riley had hoped there was going to be some sort of resemblance to the life she used to know.

Somehow, her life feels less like her life without Maya.

Her thoughts are interrupted when her phone beeps.

It’s Aria.

_You are a godsend. Surprise me. I’ll eat anything. Thanks, Riley!_

Riley manages a small smile before she pockets her phone and walks inside the Chinese restaurant. She may not have made new friends in class today but at least her roommate is okay.

She’s already better than Beca from Pitch Perfect who got a roommate as lively as a plant.

.

After an hour, Riley finds herself sitting on the floor with Aria as they munch on the Chinese food Riley bought.

“You should tour me around New York some time,” Aria tells her.

Riley nods, “Absolutely! I’m a legit tour guide and you get it for free.”

“I’d like that,” Aria says with a smile. “How’s first day, by the way? Did you make friends?”

“I only had two classes and barely spoke to anyone,” Riley answers her question.

Aria nods, clearly getting what she’s trying to say, “I told you so. The first day of college is the most boring first day ever.”

“How were your classes today? Anything interesting? Any cute boys?” she giggles and winks at the last question.

Aria laughs, “Tons of cute boys but I have boyfriend.”

Which reminds Riley, “Oh, right! The writer!”

Aria nods, “Yup. Ezra.”

“Ugh,” Riley mutters good-naturedly. “Even his name sounds poetic.”

“You should know about his last name.”

“Which is?”

“Fitzgerald.”

“No way! It’s like he’s born to become a writer.”

“I know, right.”

“Mustn’t it be nice, though? To be with someone who shares the same passion with you.”

“Yeah it is. I mean, it makes the relationship easier. But mostly, it gets boring sometimes. Good thing we have different influences because otherwise I’ll be bored to death.”

Riley nods, not sure if she’s agreeing or not. Mostly, she just doesn’t know what to say. She doesn’t have a great track record in romance. She’s only been with one guy for three years. And though that may seem a lot, it doesn’t feel like a lot.

“’Bout you? Met anyone interesting today?” Aria asks. She then stuffs another dumpling into her mouth.

Riley shrugs, “Everyone is interesting. I mean, I’m sure everyone has stories to tell from where they came from you know. But if you mean a crush, no. I’m not sure I’m looking for that.”

“Any unfinished businesses from high school?”

Riley lets out a nervous laugh, “No. I… I’m not sure.”

“You and the Lucas guy?”

Riley gives her a look instead of answering the question, “Have I really told you that much?”

Aria laughs, “Has anybody ever told you that you talk a lot?”

“Maya does.”

“Remind me again why it didn’t work out with the baseball guy?”

Riley shrugs, “We were just different. Or the same. I don’t know. All I know is that love’s supposed to feel like something else.”

“Feel like what?”

“I don’t know,” she says, honestly. “But I was sure it wasn’t what it felt like with Lucas.”

“So you broke up with him even if you don’t really know why?”

Riley shrugs, “Is that bad?”

“I won’t say I’d recommend everyone doing it but remember about _weird Chapter 12_? The parts of your story that don’t make sense at first but actually matters in the end?”

Riley only nods.

“Maybe, baseball guy is one of your _weird Chapter 12s_. The one you tried so hard to love enough but can’t because maybe there’s a reason.”

“Would be nice to know the reason.”

“Riley, you’re young. You have so much time to figure that out.”

“Yeah. You know, I kind of love and hate you.”

“Why?” Aria asks with a laugh.

“You make me think about stuff so much!”

“You’re the one asking so many questions lately,” Aria tells her. “Even if I’d known you only for a few days, I can tell you have something big in your mind and you’re scared to talk about it.”

“I don’t even know what I’m thinking even when I’m thinking it.”

Aria chuckles, “Welcome to the real world, Riley.”

.

After a few hours, Riley finds herself alone inside the room. Aria had to go to the bookstore to buy a reference material. She's just aimlessly browsing Facebook on her laptop when her phone’s screen lights up, telling her that somebody is video calling her.

She didn’t even need to look twice to know who it is.

She quickly shoots up from her seat and grabs her earphones. She plugs it in and before she answers the phone, she quickly fixes her hair. She also quickly glances at her reflection on the mirror just to make sure she looks okay.

Why? Don’t ask her. She doesn’t know. She probably doesn’t even realize she’s doing it.

“I’m surprised you even know how to answer a video call,” Maya opens soon as the screen reveals her.

Riley laughs, “My father taught me stuff.”

“Well at least he taught you something actually useful.”

“Hey! My dad is a good teacher.”

“I’m kidding, Riles,” Maya says with a laugh. “How’s first day?”

“It was weird. It wasn’t like your first day where you had classmates who can draw like hell.”

“I’m guessing you had teachers who actually teaches something?”

Riley grins, “Yeah.”

Maya laughs, “See, that should count for something.”

“I will tell my dad you keep joking about how bad he is.”

“And I will tell Topanga you hate her pancakes.”

“Okay, we’re not telling anyone anything.”

They share a laugh and Riley uses that opportunity to observe Maya’s surroundings. It’s like she’s inside her room. The room seems dimly lit and it’s only when Riley really focuses on Maya’s face that she notices how blue her eyes are.

“Your eyes are like really blue,” it was out of her mouth before she can stop it.

Maya chuckles, “Well, thank you for noticing. I put extra coloring today.”

Riley laughs, “I mean, I’ve known it before. But I’m just really seeing it now, you know. ‘Cause your face is too close to the camera.”

Something in Maya’s demeanor changes, “Yeah, at least it’s not too late you noticed. Some things we never see even if it’s right in front of us.”

Riley opens her mouth to say something but no words come out. If Maya notices the shift in their conversation, she doesn’t mention it.

Silence envelopes them for a while.

During those few seconds of momentary silence, Riley’s heart starts thumping against her chest. She doesn’t know why. She doesn’t understand but being under Maya’s intense gaze is making her stomach churn in something that feels like nothing she’s ever felt before.

“Oh, by the way!” Maya breaks the silence. “I’ll show you something.”

Maya goes off-camera for a few moments before the screen reveals a half-finished painting of a girl with long brunette hair wearing a flower crown. Her dress is still just an outline, like she’s not done yet but is about to become something really beautiful.

It’s beautiful.

“It’s you,” Maya says, her voice is gentle. Like uttering words she’s scared to break.

Riley smiles warmly, “Me? Why are you painting me?”

Maya shrugs nonchalantly, “Our first assignment in Drawing 101 is to draw something or someone that summarizes our story before we went to college. I thought of a lot of stuff and even thought of drawing Beary the Bear but you know, it always ends up with your stupid face.”

She says it so casually. Maybe because she doesn’t know how it affects Riley.

Riley wants to cry. She’s nervous and excited and happy and overly emotional right now.

Then Maya looks at her as if saying something beyond words, “When I tell people my story, it always starts with you.”

Maya smiles and her eyes are smiling, too.

And Riley thinks of blonde hair and blue eyes, and she thinks she knows why it never worked out with Lucas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a mess. Thanks everyone for your kudos and comments; and you guys are the best. (I'm stabbymcgeee on Tumblr)


	3. Girl Meets Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That’s because you love me.” / “I think you have no idea how much.” / And Riley thinks of blonde hair and blue eyes and she thinks she has an idea now.

November has got to be Riley’s favorite month, if she has one.

New York has awesome Novembers. The weather is great—the days are not too warm like the harsh days of summer and the nights are not too cold like it is during winter nights. It’s sweater and pea coat season; and all Riley ever want to do on these days is sit by her bed and read a book.

But of course, college is a whirlwind.

College has no chill.

College straight up drains all the energy you have in your body and then afterwards demands you to have more to give.

“I am so tired,” Riley complains as she stands up, still sleepy from her four-hour sleep.

She glances on the vintage clock hung by Aria’s side of the room. It’s 7:30—and Aria’s already dressed for her first class. She sees the girl gathering stuff from the top of her bed and stuffing them all inside her tiny faux-leather backpack.

By this time, after living together for about three months, Riley has already memorized Aria’s schedule; and Aria has memorized hers.

“How are you able to drag yourself out of bed before 7:30?” Riley asks rhetorically. She more of whines, actually.

“College,” Aria answers with a laugh. “Don’t wait up for me tonight, by the way. You know where I’ll be.”

Riley nods, “The frat party.”

“Yup, I’m still sad you can’t come with us.”

“It’s just not my thing.”

“Fine, but you know you should loosen up a bit.”

“Maybe next time.”

This time, Aria gives up, “Fine. Hold on,” a pause, “Your classes start at 9, right?”

“Yup.”

“You should probably stop procrastinating,” Aria tells her as she gathers the last of her stuff from her desk. By this time, Riley knows it’s a bunch of literary books. The girl is a Comparative Lit major with a minor in Creative Writing—and sometimes, Riley wonders what goes on inside a mind like hers.

Riley grunts childishly, “I hate college.”

Aria shakes her head smilingly, “I better go or I’ll be influenced by this Grumpy Riley here.”

“Bye, Future Best Selling Novelist Aria Montgomery. Have fun with your life as I lay here fading away,” she says dramatically.

Her roommate just laughs as she exits the room, closing the door gently behind her. She wonders sometimes how Aria remains so graceful. Riley can barely walk the hallway without tripping on her own feet.

Huffing, Riley fetches her phone from under her pillow.

“Just ten minutes on Facebook, I promise,” she says out loud. The silence that responds to her just mocks her to no end.

She scrolls through Facebook and watches the first cat video she sees. After the 30-second video, she gives up on keeping up to date with everyone. She’s almost going stop browsing the social media app but a particular photo gets her attention.

It’s a photo Maya posted late last night. She must’ve missed it amid all the reading she’s done.

The caption reads: _Drawing 101 is fucking exhausting_.

Riley smiles. She can already hear Maya’s voice saying that very line.

She looks at the picture and as she focuses on Maya, her heart starts doing that thing where it beats slightly faster than normal. She still doesn’t know what it means. History doesn’t teach us these kinds of things.

Maya is captured sitting by the kitchen bar with a pencil on one hand a can of soda on the other. She’s acting like she’s drinking alcohol as the girl beside her is obviously laughing at it. There’s paper laid in front of her and Riley instantly notices a glimpse of what she’s drawing.

Riley can barely see it but she could swear it’s an outline similar to that drawing Maya showed her in September—the very same drawing that has Riley all messed up and confused and thinking of something she doesn’t really understand.

Maya is in her classic home-y look: a pair of gray sweatpants and a loose t-shirt. Her hair is up in a loose bun and her face—that stupid face is lighting up of something so genuine. Like Maya is in her element; like Maya is starting to realize who she is.

It melts Riley that she can see that spark in Maya’s eyes even if it’s just in a photograph. Has that spark been there all this time? Riley’s not sure. But she’s seen it before. She’s seen this look on Maya before.

Riley lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

After staring the photo for a couple more moments, she hits the _Like_ button. It’s only then does she acknowledge the girl sitting beside Maya.

She hasn’t seen this girl before.

She already knows about Maya’s housemate Hanna— _blonde, funny Hanna_ —but she doesn’t know about this other girl. Is she another one of her housemates?

The housing setup for Maya is a lot different than hers. Unlike Riley, Maya has a room of her own inside an apartment where she lives with other freshman students. Maya mentioned once that she and Hanna are supposed to share the room with two other people, making it an apartment of four students, but they got lucky because the other tenants didn’t come at all.

Has that changed now?

Has a new roommate arrived?

She takes a second look at the post and realizes that the girl in the photo is tagged. Maya Hart posted a photo—with **Tori Vega**. _Tori?_

Tori Vega?

Riley can’t remember Maya ever mentioning a _Tori Vega_ ; and Riley doesn’t recognize the sensation that creeps up her spine and the feeling that twists in her stomach violently.

When she clicks on the name, she can’t say she has an explanation for the curiosity.

Tori Vega—whoever she is—is beautiful. That’s the first thing she notices upon visiting the stranger’s Facebook profile. The girl’s profile is private but she can see the profile photos she’s uploaded. She has that Latina vibe going on and Riley could swear she’ll mistake the girl for Nina Dobrev had the situations been a little different. What stirs Riley the most is that Tori isn’t from the same school as Maya—which only means one thing.

Tori and Maya met outside the school and are hanging out by choice.

Maya doesn’t hang out with anyone by choice unless she absolutely likes them; which means she likes this Tori—and all of a sudden, Riley is wondering if Tori is like her in any way possible.

Is she a ray of sunshine every step of the way? Is she smart? Does she like Maya’s art? Do they watch the same TV shows?

Again, Riley releases a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

This time, she sets her phone down and grabs her towel. She needs a shower. She needs to go to class and busy herself with something.

 _Anything_.

.

Needless to say, it doesn’t work.

Around the time her second class of the day rolls around, Riley is already feeling like she’s approaching her stress limit. It’s not even this class. This class (United States History to 1865) is interesting but for some reason, today’s discussion isn’t doing it for her.

Mr. Clarkson— _God,_ Riley loves him—prepared a lesson called _Andrew Jackson and the Trail of Tears_ , and all Riley could focus on are the words _trail of tears_ because of that horrible, violent feeling in her stomach.

Tori Vega is seeping slowly into her thoughts and she doesn’t even know the girl.

For all she knows, it could be a friend of Hanna’s or some random person Maya met somewhere. For all she knows, Tori Vega is just some irrelevant character in Maya’s new chapter and here she is tearing herself apart. Why? Riley has no idea at all.

Luckily, the class passes by quickly. Soon as she steps outside the lecture room, Riley gets her phone and responds to a text that’s been sitting in her inbox since last week. She opens her SMS thread with Aria and types a reply.  
  
**That party tonight, does the invite still stand?**  
  
**_Absolutely. Changed your mind yet?_**

**Yup.**

**_First college party?_ **

**I am going to suck at this.**

**_You’ll be fine, Riley. Ezra and I will pick you up at around 9 tonight. We’ll grab a quick dinner first. He’s driving._ **

That and Riley puts her phone back inside the pocket of her coat. Riley knows it’s a bad idea. She’s probably going to have alcohol way before it’s legal for her to do so; and her parents are probably going to be so disappointed but you know how sometimes, we resort to different ways in distracting our minds from the thoughts were so scared to entertain?

This is it for Riley.

It’s not a good idea; but Riley likes to believe it’s going to be fine.

.

She’s passing the time, just thinking about what she’ll be wearing tonight, when her phone rings. It’s Maya’s ringtone and _God_ damn it! She didn’t want to answer it but her hand instantly reaches for the phone like it’s the most automatic thing in the world.

“Riles, are you making good decisions?” Maya asks soon as Riley answers the call.

She lets out a breath. She’d told Maya about her plan to embark on her first ever college party and of course, ever the protective friend, Maya had told her it’s not a Riley thing to do. Maya was in class when Riley sent her the text and now, Riley can only assume Maya is about to spend her free time, trying to stop Riley from going to this party.

“Maya, it’s a Friday.”

“I know, I have a calendar here, too.”

“Peaches…” she lets the word trail, hoping that this tactic works. Sweet-talking always works on Maya.

“Riles, are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m in college. I should be joining in,” Riley justifies.

She doesn’t see it but she can feel Maya nodding sarcastically to it, not agreeing one bit.

A few moments pass and Riley hears Maya release a breath on the other line, “Fine. But Aria’s going to be there?”

“Yes.”

“You trust her?”

“Yes, mom.”

This time, Maya laughs. Two things happen to Riley at that moment. First, her stomach does That Thing again and second, she’s relieved that Maya isn’t opposed to the idea.

“Any plans tonight?” she asks Maya, although she’s vaguely terrified of the answer.

“I’m going out with some new friends.”

“Make good choices, okay?”

Maya laughs, “I’ll try.”

“Call me when you get home so I know you’re safe.”

“Yup. You, too, ‘kay?”

“Nah, you’re probably still out by the time I get home,” Riley says.

Maya laughs, “You’re going to a frat party, Riles. What time do you think that ends?”

“10?” Riley asks. It’s like a long-running inside joke between them.

“It starts at 10, honey.”

“It starts at 10?” she gasps dramatically and Maya only laughs.

There’s silence between them for a while. Sometimes, Riley’s imagination tells her that they’re supposed to say something important during this silence. That instead of this silence, there should be words and those words should be important.

“I gotta go now, Riles. Send me pictures.”

“I will!”

“Love you,” Maya tells her and her heart flips momentarily.

 “Love you, too, Peaches,” she says and then they hang up.

It’s weird. They’ve been saying those words to each other all their lives. How come it has a different effect to Riley now?

_I am dying here._

.

It’s a casual frat party.

Aria told her not to dress up too much so she settles for a simple black dress and a pair of boots. She tops it with her favorite pea jacket.

She hasn’t heard from Maya since they spoke on the phone earlier but she punches a text to her anyway, saying she’s headed to the party.

It’s approaching 11PM when Riley, Aria, and Ezra get to the party. There are so many people everywhere dancing, kissing, singing obnoxiously, playing beer pong, and some are just chatting the night away.

Aria and Ezra introduce her to some of the people there but their names quickly escape her memory soon as somebody hands her a beer.

She takes the bottle of beer but before she could mindlessly chug at it, Aria momentarily stops her and asks, “Are you sure?”

Riley nods and then takes a huge gulp. She’s had a beer before so the taste doesn’t surprise her. It still doesn’t surprise her on her second bottle, or her third.

But by the time she’s halfway through her fourth bottle, her vision is already blurry and she can barely stand without falling. This is it.

She’s drunk at her first college party and although it seems bad, something about it makes Riley feel free. The loud party effectively distracts her from her thoughts. She didn’t know it could feel like this. She probably won’t be drinking this much again but as she tries to find her way out of the smelly, crowded frat house, she smiles.

She smiles because it’s freeing to be _just Riley_. She’s not Cory and Topanga’s daughter, or Maya’s best friend, or Lucas’ ex-girlfriend. She’s _just Riley_ and hell, being _just Riley_ feels absolutely amazing right now.

As she reaches the door of the frat house, she feels a hand tug gently at her wrist. Through her blurry vision, she recognizes Ezra.

“You’re done here, Riley.”

“But I—“

“No buts,” Aria interrupts as she slides by Riley’s other side. She grabs Riley’s arm and hangs it over her shoulders. Aria is a bit shorter than her so that goes without much effort. “We’re going home.”

Giving up, Riley just nods. She can’t handle any more alcohol anyway.

“She’s so cute,” Ezra says.

“Maya will kill me,” Aria mutters and Riley wants her to clarify but she can hardly walk or speak or stand. She’s leaning all of her weight to Ezra and Aria; and _God_ , _I’m never drinking again._

.

The journey back to the dorm is full of Riley singing drunkenly to whatever song is playing on the radio. She just says words that are similar to the actual lyrics and in that moment, she just lets go. She’s singing on top of her lungs and Aria is singing along with her.

Riley doesn’t care if she’d just violated the law tonight. Her mom’s a lawyer, she knows. But tonight is fun and distracting; and even just for a few hours, she didn’t think of blonde hair and blue eyes. She didn’t think of her best friend having a new entire life without her.

It’s _just Riley;_ and as she stumbles from the car to the building’s elevator, she tries to ignore that little voice in her said that’s telling her it kinda feels empty; that it kinda feels empty to be _just Riley_ without Maya.

“What time is it?” she asks Aria, who is still holding her up. For a small girl, Aria is doing an excellent job keeping up with a klutz like Riley. Ezra wanted to help but Aria insisted he waits in the car, promising she won’t take long settling Riley back inside their room.

“Almost 2AM,” Aria replies.

Riley’s eyes widen, “Oh my God.”

Aria laughs, “Look at you, still out way past your bedtime.”

“I’m sorry I ruined your night, Aria,” Riley apologizes.

“It’s fine, I had fun. It’s not like you followed us around. You held your own and you did an amazing job. A+ on your first college party,” her roommate says laughingly. “And I also expected you to be wasted after a few drinks.”

“How so?”

“Maya,” Aria replies. “She messaged me on Facebook, threatening my life if anything happened to you tonight.”

Riley laughs carelessly, “That’s a Maya thing to do.”

Aria nods, “You guys have an amazing friendship.”

Riley just smiles sheepishly and giggles to herself.

As the elevator reaches their floor, they walk—err, stumble—slowly to their room. Riley tries hard not to trip on the way to the room and Aria tries hard not to laugh every time Riley almost falls.

As they approach their room, Riley could swear her drunken thoughts are giving her delusions because Maya is there sitting on the floor across their room. She’s scribbling away on her drawing pad and it’s only when Aria and Riley are in front of her does she look up.

Upon seeing Riley, Maya smiles. “Riley Matthews, good girl gone bad,” Maya greets as she quickly stuffs her sketchbook onto her backpack just sitting beside her. She stands and that’s when Riley could really see her. Her vision’s still a bit blurry.

“Maya?” Riley says her name before turning to Aria. “You’re seeing this, too, right?”

“Yup, and I’m very scared.”

Maya laughs as she walks to Riley’s other side and swings her free arm over her shoulders, “I got this, Aria.”

The other girl quickly shuffles apart from Riley and stretches her back. “This,” she points to Riley, “is a lot of work.”

Maya nods and smiles like she knows exactly what Aria is saying, “I know.”

“Let’s get you inside,” Maya tells Riley, making a move toward the door.

“No, let’s sit here for a while. The room is spinning,” Riley pleads.

“Okay, honey. Let’s just sit here for a while.”

Maya gently helps Riley sit on the floor and rest her back against the wall. As Riley tries to recover, Maya turns to Aria, “Thanks.”

“No worries, it’s for all the times she’d proofread my papers,” Aria says. “I better go, though.”

“Have fun tonight,” Maya winks at her playfully.

Aria laughs, “Shut up.”

Sitting there, Riley watches the interaction and is secretly happy that they look like they’ve known each other for so long. For somebody who claims to hate people, Maya sure has a soft spot for Aria.

Aria soon walks back to the elevator as Maya takes the seat beside Riley.

“How many did you have?” Maya asks, her voice soft and gentle.

Riley thinks for a moment, “Three and a half.”

“This is a new record for you.”

“I know!” Riley confirms proudly.

Maya laughs at her antics as she reaches for her backpack and pulls out a bottle of water. She takes the cap off before handing it to Riley, “Here you go. Drink up.”

Riley takes the bottle of water from her and sips.

Silence once again envelopes them. This is becoming a habit.

It somehow bothers Riley because she feels like there are words floating around them, waiting for them to say it; like there’s something they need to say but can’t pick all the right words to make up a sentence.

“Do you remember the first time you had a drink?”

Riley nods, “Senior year.”

They both smile at the memory.

It was one April weekend during Senior Year that the gang decided to spend the night at Shawn’s cabin upstate. Shawn and Katy went to visit his family that weekend so the kids had the place to themselves. And like every chic flick there is, the night involved some drinking games.

It was fun and there was underage drinking; and Riley thinks it’s the first time it started sinking in to her that they’re growing up. That soon, they’ll be going off to college and have a new life, new friends, new dreams.

That night, Riley prayed that she could still be part of everyone’s lives by the time they start writing their new chapters. That night too, Riley decided she’s going to make Maya a part of her new chapter.

It could be a whole new book or a whole new story but Maya will still be there; because Riley has imagined so many kinds of worlds. She has imagined a life where Game of Thrones is real. She has imagined life after death. She has imagined a post-apocalyptic life. And all those versions of reality, she had Maya there.

She had Maya in every world she could think of and Riley used to think it’s because she’s her best friend in the world but now, she doesn’t know anymore.

She thinks she missed a very important detail in her past.

“You had _one_ beer that night and you started singing Katy Perry right on Smackle’s ear just to annoy her,” Maya recalls fondly.

Despite herself, Riley laughs, “Even Smackle held alcohol better than I did.”

Maya rolls her eyes good-naturedly, “To her credit, she held alcohol better than the rest of us.”

“I still don’t believe it.”

They both laugh at it, remembering that Smackle was the one who won all the drinking games Zay set up for the night. They were all tipsy and Smackle stood there after it all, looking down at them like they’re sore losers.

_Silence._

Riley can feel the tipsy slowly wearing off.

It’s 2AM and she’s sitting on the hallway floor with Maya after a long night of drinks and distraction. She leans her head on Maya’s shoulder.

“Are you really here?” she asks.

Maya chuckles, “Honey, you’re just tipsy. You’re not hallucinating.”

“I just thought you were out with your friends.”

“I was,” Maya says, shifting slightly and relaxing against Riley. “But I had to catch the last train bound to Central Station.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to.”

“It’s three hours, Maya.”

“That’s nothing. I wanted to see you get all wasted.”

Riley laughs, “I admire your motivations in life.”

“I can’t let you make bad decisions without me.”

“You are an angel.”

“Heh,” Maya giggles. “Also, I was on a date tonight.”

It sounded so casual.

It sounded so _fucking_ casual that’s why Riley couldn’t understand why it feels like her heart is being ripped from her chest and getting it slammed against the wall.

 _Oh._ “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

They stay still—sitting on the floor with their backs against the wall. Riley’s head is on Maya’s shoulder. The room isn’t spinning anymore. Whatever spinning was happening before, it’s been replaced by the loud, silent sound of a boulder being dropped on Riley’s entire body and suddenly, she can’t move.

She can’t look up at Maya.

Because _I was on a date tonight_ freaking hurts.

“You—“ she stutters, “you ditched a date to see me get all wasted?”

“Yeah.”

“Why did you do that?”

“’Cause she wasn’t you.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

She finally gets the strength to look up at her best friend.

“What did you say?”

Maya shrugs, “I’ve ditched dates for you before. It’s not like it’s the first time.”

“Junior Year Michael Peterson, Summer Fling Clark Allen, and Senior Year Megan Edwards don’t count.”

Maya just laughs as she grabs her backpack and stands, “One of those could’ve ended up as my one true love and I passed on the opportunity because of you.”

She extends her hand with a smile, quietly asking her friend to pull her up, “That’s because you love me.”

Maya takes her hand and pulls her up, “I think you have no idea how much.”

Hand in hand, they walk inside the dorm room.

And Riley thinks of blonde hair and blue eyes and she thinks she has an idea now.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is long, isn't it? Thank you for the support you're giving this fic. I suck at proofreading my own work so I apologize for the typos. (Also, I'm stabbymcgeee on Tumblr if you want to just cry together because our ship is perfect.)


	4. Girl Meets Lancaster, Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Riley thinks of blonde hair and blue eyes; and she thinks that if there’s a great love somewhere it should feel like this—like flying and falling, and altogether unnerving.

It’s rare for Riley to think of it as a good thing but on days like this, she’s grateful that she’s raised in a city where walking could get you faster to your destination than driving or taking a cab. Growing up in a city like New York helped her develop her patience in walking blocks upon blocks of distances.

That’s why this 20-minute walk from Lancaster Station to Maya’s loft doesn’t bother her that much.

Maya isn’t coming home until the last three days of Thanksgiving break so Riley decided to _surprise_ her today by visiting her for the first time ever. Since they parted ways for college, it’s always Maya who comes home almost every weekend to see Riley—and sometimes Shawn and Katy.

(When she visits upstate, it’s mostly because of Luke, her two-year old brother; because _yup_ , that happened.)

With a week and half of break from school, Riley did her research and familiarized herself with Google Maps. She’s about to grace Maya with a surprise visit and Riley can only hope to God that she isn’t the one who gets surprised instead.

_What could possibly happen?_

Well, she’d stopped asking herself this question because years of experience taught her that surprises for Maya—while fine—always finds a way to kick your butt and into the mud.

As she starts walking by the narrow sidewalk, Riley pulls her coat as closer to her body as she can. Riley can tell it’s a lot colder in New York but there’s something in the air of Lancaster that makes it a lot different. There’s something in the air that makes Riley feel like she’s actually in a different city.

It’s a brisk, cloudy day toward the end of November. So when the cold wind blows past her, it doesn’t surprise her that much. What surprises her is that despite it being the late days of fall, there’s still color everywhere she looks.

Some trees have thinned out but some are still donning the fire colors of the season.

There was a time when the changing of seasons meant going shopping and buying new clothes but as you grow up, the changing of the season becomes less about the weather and more about perspective, like there’s a deadline for something. Like a decision or a change of mind has to be done before the winter comes.

Her thoughts are interrupted by the sound of her phone ringing. It’s not Maya’s ringtone so she’s sure she’s not busted.

She fishes her phone from the pocket of her coat and picks up, “Hey, Farkle.”

“Did you make it?” he asks from the other like.

Riley smiles, “I made it past the train ride, yes. I am walking to her apartment now.”

“You could’ve just hailed a cab, you know.”

“I know, but it’s a 20-minute walk. Eighteen if I didn’t have to talk to you.”

Farkle laughs, “At least text me when you get there, okay?”

“Yes, Farkle. Thank you.”

“And Riley—“

“—here we go,” she interrupts, managing a small smile. She can tell that Farkle senses something.

He’s been asking her “ _what’s up with you”_ the last few weeks when Riley started sharing sad, downtempo music and captions it with killer lyrics. Riley’s more of an uptempo, indie-pop kinda girl so just imagine Farkle’s surprise when she posted Sleeping At Last’s _Neptune_ along with the caption: _I wanna tell you but I don’t know how_.

Riley has thought about telling him about her _thoughts_ lately but how do you do that?

How do you tell somebody that your best friend might have been in love with you for so long and that you’re just figuring it out now?

“Be careful, okay?” he says, his tone is deep and warning, like he means something beyond the words being said.

“I will. Thank you, Farkle,” she says.

They hang up a few seconds later and Riley blames that phone call for the dread that suddenly creeps up her spine.

.

She takes a deep breath and takes off her beanie before she knocks on the door. She’d seen the sign downstairs and knew that she’s in the right building.

Not a beat passes and the door opens, revealing a blonde, short-haired girl whose skin is of rose and milk that perfectly complements her baby blue eyes.

“Hi,” Riley breathes out. “I’m looking for Maya.”

“Oh,” the girl—Hanna, as she recalls from Maya’s pictures and stories—nods as she steps aside and makes way for Riley. “Come in.”

Riley steps in and is immediately impressed by the loft. She’s instantly greeted by the pastel-colored living room which is spacious enough for a big sofa and a TV set, as well as a wooden coffee table covered with art supplies.

She straightaway recognizes the kitchen bar where that photo of Maya (and Tori) was taken. It’s homey and it’s Maya in so many ways that Riley knows she’s inside the correct apartment.

“Maya’s not here,” the girl tells her. “I’m Hanna,” she introduces herself.

“Riley,” Riley introduces herself as well, extending a hand out of habit. She beams because she’s glad that she’s finally meeting Maya’s housemate.

“Oh,” Hanna manages with a smile as she shakes Riley’s hand.

“I know you from the pictures,” Hanna tells her.

“I know you from the pictures, too.”

Hanna smiles as she leads Riley to the coat rack and helps her with her backpack.

“It’s fine, I—“ Riley hesitates only to be interrupted by Hanna.

“Pfft—no big deal. Your backpack looks heavier than you,” she says laughingly, as she takes the backpack and settles it on the couch.

Riley, on the other hand, takes off her coat and hangs it on the rack.

“Surprise visit?” Hanna asks.

“Yeah.”

“She’ll be thrilled to see you.”

“Where is she?”

Hanna makes her way to the kitchen as Riley takes a seat on the couch.

“She’s doing commission work at a coffee shop,” Hanna tells her.

“I see.”

“I can take you there.”

Riley’s eyes light up as she turns to Hanna. She turns just in time to see the girl pour coffee into a large mug, “Really?”

Hanna nods, “Yeah.”

“Thank you.”

Hanna shrugs, “Coffee?”

“No, thanks. I don’t drink coffee.”

Hanna smiles, “I know.”

“You know?”

Hanna rolls her eyes good-naturedly as she grabs her mug and walks to Riley. In a second, Hanna is sitting beside her, “Maya won’t shut up about you. I feel like I know you already.”

Riley laughs, “I hope she’s saying good things.”

“That girl couldn’t say anything bad about you even if she tried.”

There’s Riley’s heart again, beating faster than it should.

“You’re blushing,” Hanna tells her bluntly.

“I am?”

Hanna just nods.

_Jesus Christ._

Maya wasn’t wrong about Hanna. She’s blunt and she speaks her mind.

“I have a gig in an hour so if I’ll walk you there, I’ll have to take you there now,” Hanna suggests. “I hope the commute didn’t wear you out much.”

Riley shrugs, “It was a nice trip overall. A bit chilly but nice.”

“Chilly is a nice way to put it,” Hanna smiles as she stands. “If you want anything, there’s the kitchen. Make yourself at home. I’ll be ready in 10.”

Riley nods, “Thank you. You’re so nice.”

“Yeah, that’s the first thing they say about me. Just until they really meet me,” the blonde says laughingly as she starts heading toward the direction of her room just past the kitchen behind them. She stops on her tracks momentarily and points at the door on the other side of the living room. “That’s Maya’s room if you want to settle your bag in, I bet the kids you kidnapped are suffocating in there.”

Riley laughs, “It wasn’t that heavy!”

Hanna just shakes her head laughingly before she disappears to her room.

All of a sudden, Riley feels small in the middle of the room. She straightens her back and stares blankly at the door of Maya’s room.

She contemplates whether or not to go into the room uninvited.

All their lives, they’ve kept no secrets from one another. At least that’s what Riley wants to believe. They don’t have boundary issues with each other. Even though Maya has constantly insisted that she hates it when people violate her personal space, she made Riley an exception to that rule.

That personal space includes the privacy of their rooms. For goodness sake, Maya has climbed to her window since they were kids. If they had issues with each other, privacy isn’t going to be it.

However, college isn’t like the old times anymore. They have their own lives now and who knows, a few months apart may have changed a lot of things for Maya that she isn’t talking to Riley about. Also, with her recent _suspicions_ , Riley debates with herself whether or not she’s ready to see _something_ there.

_What if…_

She shakes her head and dismisses the thought.

She grabs her backpack—which is actually heavy now that she thinks about it—and heads to Maya’s room.

Heart pounding against her chest and threating to jump out of its place, Riley pushes the door open. She closes her eyes for reasons she doesn’t know and only when she’d closed the door behind her does she slowly open her eyes.

Once her eyes have adjusted to the light (or the lack of it), she looks around the room.

Contrary to the pastel colors of the kitchen and the living room, the walls of Maya’s room are pale. It’s not white like hospital rooms but more like with a mild touch of blue. The accents of her room are black—the chair by her study desk, the frame of the sole window, and the curtains gently pushed to the side.

The wooden headboard of her bed are spray painted with different accents of purple and blue that make it look like a galaxy. Her bed sheets and pillow cases are white.

It makes Riley smile because she can picture Maya here, on her bed, randomly doodling stuff on her drawing pad when it’s snowing outside.

It’s a great contrast to Maya’s room in New York where there’s pink everywhere you look. Katy was the one who bought Maya all those pink stuff and Maya had let her because to her, the most important thing is that Katy tries.

Riley walks to the bed and sees that there are pictures on the wall beside Maya’s bed. The pictures are placed low enough that when you’re lying on your side, you can see it right away.

Of course, there’s a picture of Shawn and Katy with Maya on the night of their wedding. There’s a picture of Luke when he was born.

There’s a picture of the whole gang. It’s a picture of them in one of the small booths at Topanga’s. It seems everyone is laughing while Maya has a straight expression on her face and Riley is wrapping her arms around her. Riley doesn’t remember this picture or who took it but she can only guess that she said something silly about Maya and Maya’s keeping her cool demeanor about it.

It makes Riley giggle a bit but what takes her breath is the other picture on the wall.

It’s the same high school graduation picture she’s put up in her dorm in New York.

It’s the picture of them taken on the day they graduated high school. They’re both wearing their graduation cap and gown, sitting happily by the bay window. Riley is making a goofy face at the camera while Maya is looking at her smilingly, her eyes shining of something Riley can’t put a finger on.

Just looking at the picture makes Riley’s heart beat fast, again; the way it always does when she thinks of Maya.

Her reminiscing is interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Hello from the other side,” Hanna calls out from… the other side of the door.

Riley laughs at it and walks to the door. Once she pulls the door open, she says, “I like you.”

Hanna giggles, “Maya hates it when I talk to her using song lyrics. You ready? We could head out now.”

“Yup,” Riley says with a nod.

“Let’s go then.”

That and they both head out into the chilly streets of Lancaster.

.

They walk about three blocks constantly chatting about a TV show Hanna just recently finished. Riley’s never seen it but she’s read the book. So, you know, just imagine how that conversation could go for miles.

They were just talking about the finale and a major character death that wasn’t in the book when Hanna stops and points to a vintage-themed coffee shop.

“This is it,” Hanna says.

There’s a huge retro signage that reads _The Blues._

“It’s a popular place around here. Live music on Thursdays and Poetry Slam on Fridays. Maya digs it.”

Riley smiles, “Yeah, that’s her thing.”

Hanna nods, “Yup, so just go inside and head to the second floor. The second floor hasn’t opened yet. They’re expanding. Just tell ‘em you’re looking for Maya.”

“For real?”

“Yeah, Maya’s a mainstay on _live music Thursdays_. _She performs a lot of indie.”_

 _Oh_. Maya never mentioned that.

When Riley wouldn’t respond, Hanna speaks up again, “I gots to go now, have a bus to catch. Nice to meet you Riley.”

“Nice to meet you to, Hanna. Thank you for walking me.”

Hanna smiles mischievously, “I’ll have Maya pay for it with free coffee.”

Riley laughs at that and then all of a sudden, she’s alone again. But she’s never been more excited to see her best friend.

.

 _The Blues_ got the whole retro feel perfectly. From the wall décor down to the glass they’re using for the beverages, the details are covered.

She walks past the bar and when the barista asks her what she’s here for, she only utters Maya’s name. Nodding, the barista points to a flight of stairs and Riley doesn’t hesitate as she walks toward it.

Reaching the second floor, she’s greeted by an empty space only lighted by a single yellow light bulb and by natural light coming from the huge windows to her left. There are paint-covered newspaper pages all over the floor, and in the middle of the room are cans of different colors of paint.

To her right is a wall and by the wall is Maya. She’s facing the wall with a paintbrush on one hand and a can of paint on the other. She’s busy painting an area with blue and as she does, she’s humming a song silently to herself.

That’s only when Riley notices that she has her headphones on.

You know that feeling when everything seems to be slowing down and suddenly, you notice every single detail there is?

Standing there just a couple of feet away from Maya, Riley notices that her best friend is in her element. Her hair is up on a lose ponytail and her jumper pants are just as paint-stained as everything else. Her black shirt perfectly fits her well—and _God_ , Riley doesn’t know when she started making these observations but she knows this can’t be good.

“Maya,” she greets. She’s not sure if she said that too soft but since Maya hasn’t turned around it means, she didn’t say it loud enough.

That’s when she notices what Maya is working on. It’s a mural—an almost finished mural of a 50s diner. It’s mostly shades of blue with specs of red and orange; and if Riley thought Maya was talented before, she’s thinking _talented_ doesn’t do it justice now.

“Riles?” Maya’s voice pulls her out of her reverie.

She turns her attention to Maya who has a smile and a look of pleasant surprise on her face.

“Peaches,” she breathes out.

“Oh my God,” Maya mutters.

“Hey,” Riley greets playfully managing a small wave.

As Maya settles the can and the paintbrush on the ground and as she pulls her earphones out, everything slows down again.

Riley’s heart is doing that thing again.

Maybe it’s the light; or maybe it’s the three-hour commute but whatever it is, it’s making Riley feel things she’s sure she’s not supposed to feel—because standing there and seeing Maya’s happy, paint-stained face, all she wants to do is _kiss_ her.

This feeling, this urge—it’s new.

The next thing she knows, Maya is hugging her and that’s only when the clichéd slowing down of things stops.

“What are you doing here? How did you get here?”

“I wanted to surprise you!” Riley is impressed at how fast she managed to get her act together.

“Well, I’m surprised. I thought you’re helping out at the bakery!” Maya says, eyes lighting up of sheer happiness and excitement.

“Say it, Maya. I’m getting better at lying,” she says proudly.

Maya laughs, “Okay, I have to say. I believed you when you said that.”

“Mission accomplished!” Riley says with a dramatic flick of the wrist.

“Wait. Where’s your stuff? How did you—“

“Hanna.”

“Oh, you guys already met.”

“I already like her.”

Maya nods approvingly.

Riley adds, “There’s a chance I like her more than I like you.”

Maya shakes her head smilingly, “Not possible.”

Riley concedes with a laugh, “Yeah. I’m not getting good at this whole lying thing.”

“Nope.”

They share a laugh and for a moment there, everything seems like they’re the same old Riley and Maya; except just a moment ago, Riley wanted to kiss her.

Riley wanted— _wants_ —to kiss Maya.

Once again, Maya interrupts her thoughts, “Hey, I’ll just cleanup—“

“No, it’s fine. You can work and I can just sit here and take pictures,” she grins.

“No. I can finish this up tomorrow. I’ll just clean up for a bit and then we’ll go back to the loft, ‘kay?”

“Sounds good.”

“Call your mom and tell her you made it here. I don’t want Topanga to call me all worried that you got lost on a three-hour train ride.”

Riley laughs, “Yeah, I better do that.”

Before Maya could walk back to where she’d left her materials, she asks, “How long are you staying for?”

Riley lets out a huge grin, “Let’s just say we’re going home together for Thanksgiving.”

Maya’s eyes widen, “Three days! You’re staying for three days!”

“Yes!” Riley confirms in excitement. “My backpack was really heavy!”

“Oh my gosh!” Maya hugs her once more and kisses her on the cheek. “I love you! I’ll tour you around the city!”

Riley’s sure Maya is still talking as she’s cleaning up her supplies but Riley’s world has momentarily stopped because Maya kissed her on the cheek and told her she loved her—and if this was a movie, the theme song must be playing in the background by now.

She moves to the big windows as she grabs her phone. She sends her mom a text saying she made it to Lancaster safely; but she also punches a text to Farkle.

**To: Farkle Minkus  
I know you said you didn’t want to come home for Thanksgiving. Change of plans. We need to talk.**

She clutches her phone tightly in her hands as she watches Maya move around the room so effortlessly, like she’s been doing it all her life.

Riley is standing there and all she could think of is that she needs more of it—more kisses, more _I love you’s_ —and it’s great but it’s probably also wrong but hey, all good books and movies are about great loves.

And Riley thinks of blonde hair and blue eyes; and she thinks that if there’s a _great love_ somewhere it should feel like this—like flying and falling, and altogether unnerving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yes, I did the Texas thing. LOL. I'm on Tumblr, friends (stabbymcgeee)


	5. Girl Meets Lancaster, Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eyes closes, Riley sees blonde hair and blue eyes—and she thinks today feels like a first date and she finds herself wishing there could be more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I was gone for a very long time but I am back in the states and also back to writing. So, here's a chapter to make up for lost time.

It’s 7:30 and she sits by the kitchen bar with a cup of hot chocolate in front of her. She remembers last night vividly. After leaving the _Blues_ , they’d stopped at a pizza place Maya calls the _pizza place that could at least rival every pizza place in New York_ and got food enough for the entire night.

Before heading back to the dorm, they pass by Maya’s school. A one-building school, it’s nothing compared NYU but just by looking at it, Riley knows it’s where Maya belongs. There’s a vibe to the place that has affected Maya in so many subtle ways but what stands out the most is the sparkle in Maya’s eyes when she talks about it.

For the first time perhaps since that time she got good grades in Spanish class, school makes Maya excited. Riley never thought she’d see Maya’s face light up when talking about her classes but it’s the reality now.

Riley’s happy for Maya, genuinely so. Maya is becoming somebody who’s comfortable with herself and she who no longer sees her life as a tragedy. Maya is becoming more than the girl whose father left when she was young. She’s becoming her own person.

And maybe this is the reason why a selfish part of Riley looks at Maya longingly from time to time—because Riley is always in New York and Maya is always here in Lancaster. And Riley can’t help but feel like she’s no longer part of Maya’s life the way she was before.

Sure, things were bound to change as they all went to college but Riley didn’t expect that said change is going to feel like a giant hole in her heart that used to be filled with so much love and memories. It kinda feels empty now.

“Hey there, sunshine,” Maya’s sleepy voice distracts her from her thoughts.

She turns to the direction of where that voice came from and sees Maya, stepping out of her room, her hair messed up but her smile is wide. It makes Riley smile, too.

“Peaches, good morning.”

“I almost forgot you’re a morning person.”

“Having your teacher as your father does that to you.”

Maya giggles as she walks over to Riley. She eyes the mug in front of the girl, “Hot chocolate?”

“Yes but I made coffee,” Riley says, her smile is sweet.

“I knew I picked the right person to be friends with,” Maya says before she rounds the kitchen bar and heads over to where the coffee maker is.

“Why are you up so early?” she asks.

“The other side of the bed got cold,” Maya responds casually.

Riley doesn’t know how to respond.

For a moment, there’s just silence between them. It’s not awkward. It’s tentative, like somebody should say something big.

Maya grabs a mug and pours some coffee for herself. She adds two teaspoons of sugar and then starts to stir the drink. The clanking of the silverware onto the China mug mocks their silence—kinda like mocking Riley because as far as conversations go, she’s the one who should be saying something because Maya was the last one who spoke up.

She releases a deep, silent breath and decides to take the conversation elsewhere.

“What are we doing today?” she asks, chirpy.

Maya beams, “We’re going to the Central Market—“

“Why are we going to the market?”

Maya shrugs, “Everyone goes to the Central Market.”

Riley nods, “I should get my Mom something for the bakery.”

“Did you bring enough money?”

Riley grins in this silly way, “That depends. Is it expensive there?”

“That depends, do you have the money?”

“This conversation is going nowhere.”

Maya nods laughingly as she walks over to where Riley is and takes the seat next to her, “Then, I’ll take you to the park even though that’s a terrible idea with this weather.”

“I love your terrible ideas.”

“Then, we have one more stop before we go to my friend’s showcase.”

“Ooooh, is it a surprise?” Riley asks, excitement obvious in her tone.

Maya smiles, “Yes, honey. It’s a surprise.”

“I love surprises!”

“I know.”

“Can you tell me what it is?”

Maya just gives her a look.

“A clue?”

Another look.

“A hint?”

Another look.

“Damn, you’re good at this!”

“I am. So finish that drink now and get ready because we have a long day ahead of us.”

Giving up, Riley takes a long sip from her mug and hops off the chair. She gives Maya one last look, as if pleading to be given a clue.

“Riley, go.”

“Fine! My God, woman! I You’re good,” she raises her hand in surrender and starts walking back to Maya’s room.

Before she completely disappears into the room, Maya calls out.

“Riles?”

Heart beating faster than ever, Riley stops on her tracks and turns to the girl, “Yes, peaches?”

“Have I told you I’m glad you’re here?”

Riley nods, “Multiple times.”

“I’m just making sure you know.”

“I know.”

Riley smiles at Maya one last time before she enters the room to grab her stuff. Even amid the shower, the smile doesn’t leave her face.

.

Riley goes for a loose blouse and a pair of denims, topped with a buttoned red pea jacket and a pair of mid-calf boots. She lets her hair loose and wears one of Maya’s baseball caps. She likes dressing up during this season. She gets cold easily that’s why jackets are a must—that’s also why her backpack was so heavy.

She’s sitting by living room waiting for Maya when Hanna steps out of her room with sleepy eyes and looking like a bird just tried to nest in her hair.

“Rough night?” she asks, smiling sympathetically.

“Ya think?”

Riley manages a small laugh, “I made coffee.”

“God, thank you.”

“God says you’re welcome.”

“Going somewhere?” Hanna asks as she walks to where the coffee maker is.

“Maya’s touring me around.”

“She’s driving?”

“She said she borrowed a car from one of your friends.”

“Uh-hmm,” Hanna hums as she walks toward where Riley is and sits next to her. With a mug of coffee at hand, Hanna just sits there comfortably with her eyes trained on Riley.

The blonde is eyeing her carefully, as if she’s waiting to see something. Suddenly, Riley fees self-conscious.

“Is there something on my face?” Riley asks.

Hanna shakes her head, “I’m just wondering, that’s all.”

“Wondering about what?”

Hanna shrugs, like she knows something Riley doesn’t, “Nothing.”

Riley’s about to ask her again but of course, this is the time fate chooses for Maya to step out of her room and— _wow_.

Clad in a pair of faded skinny jeans, a deep red pullover sweater, and a pair of rugged tan-brown sport boots, Maya walks to them, unaware of the earthquake that’s building up inside Riley at the moment. Her hair is pulled up in a messy bun, her face free of makeup but her lips have a hint of chapstick.

Suddenly, Riley can’t take her eyes off Maya, off Maya’s lips—and she has to swallow that invisible lump in her throat just to keep herself from staring.

 She’s not even dressed in fancy clothes but she manages to stun Riley anyway. Perhaps, it’s Maya’s newfound softness that takes Riley’s breath away. It’s like everything slowed down and all she can see is Maya—and how come this never happened before? Years and years of knowing Maya, this never happened. Now, it’s happening very fast.

_What is happening?_

“Hey, Riles. You ready?” Maya asks, her tone warm and happy.

“Yeah, yeah I’m ready,” Riley manages a reply.

Maya smiles and extends her hand. Riley, like clockwork, takes it without hesitation. Maya’s hand is warm against hers and Riley hopes her hand doesn’t give away all the things she’s feeling right now.

Delighted, terrified—like she’s flying and falling at the same time.

If Riley will describe this feeling in one word, she’d say: _falling._ If this is the accurate word, then she’s falling fast.

And worse, she doesn’t know how to stop it.

.

They visit the Central Market—which turns out is the country’s oldest farmer’s market. They get smoothies and Riley got Maya to try a kale smoothie. She takes a photo of Maya’s first sip and that photo was perfect enough to send to their group chat.

The group chat explodes after Riley sent it. Zay even went out of his way to create a meme out of it. Maya warns Riley of her revenge and tells the group chat she’s going to bury Riley in the part of the suburbs where no one will find her.

Despite the funny turn of events in the group chat, Maya keeps her hand on Riley the whole time—and Riley?

Riley doesn’t ever want to let go.

.

They visit a museum and then a park before they stop at _Isaac’s_. Maya says it’s the most popular restaurant among the locals but admits she’s never tried it before. Riley gets a pretzel sandwich and Maya orders a burrito.

Riley sits opposite Maya on their booth, indulged in the food she ordered. Maya is busy sending threats to the group chat because at this point, even Smackle has joined the make-a-Maya-meme day.

“This is your fault,” Maya says, looking up from her phone and sends Riley a playful glare.

“We call it Maya’s Kale Face,” Riley laughs.

“You all are horrible people and I’m happy I got away.”

“Are you though? Because you it seems like you missed me lot.”

“Nope, I don’t,” Maya denies but she’s obviously lying. They both know they missed each other so much.

“So, where are we going next?”

“We’re crossing something out of your bucket list.”

Riley’s eyes widen in excitement, “We’re going to the North Pole to meet Santa?!”

Maya doesn’t even respond and just gives Riley a look.

“Well, obviously not because that’s too far,” Riley answers her own question.

“It’s the distance that you find weird? Not the meet-Santa part?”

“Now that you mentioned it—“ Riley thinks of all the bucket-list items they’ve talked about before but nothing seems possible right now. “Are we going to Europe?”

Maya again, doesn’t respond.

“All my bucket list items are in far away places!” she exclaims.

“Some of your dreams just within reach, Riles. Hard to see but if you squint, you’ll see it.”

Riley squints. “I don’t see it,” she jokes.

“I don’t know why I’m friends with you.”

They laugh at that but something about what Maya said hit a nerve.

_Some of your dreams are within reach, Riles._

Riley believes her.

.

After the late lunch, they get back on the car and starts driving to the countryside.

The countryside stretches in front of Riley as Maya queues a playlist she said she designed for driving by the countryside. _Of course, Maya has a driving playlist._

The mid-afternoon sun shines its magic over the hectares of green and land that doesn’t seem to end. Riley rolls her window down and let the fresh air gently hit her in her reverie.

“Are we there yet?” Riley asks, a bit half-heartedly because part of her doesn’t want this ride to end.

“A couple of minutes more,” Maya responds as she takes Riley’s hand.

Riley holds the other girl’s hand tight, clasps it like she always did before but this time it feels like there’s more weight to it. Like there’s more meaning.

Maya rolls her window down and puts on the sunglasses Shawn gave her for Christmas last year.

With their fingers intertwined and the sun highlighting every beautiful curve of Maya’s face, everything slows down again. A song plays softly in the background and Riley recognizes this song because it’s one of Maya’s all-time favorites.

_'Cause holy cow, I love your eyes / And only now I see the light / Yeah, lying with you half-awake / Stumbling over what to say / Oh, anyway, it's looking like a beautiful day_

Riley’s heart won’t stop beating fast.

She really, really wants to kiss Maya right now.

.

Maya finally pulls over after what feels like hours of driving. As Riley steps out of the car, she’s welcomed by a sight of an old country house that looks like a tourism center. There’s no other establishments near it, just a stretch of grassland that doesn’t seem to have an end.

A guy wearing khaki pants and a polo shirt approaches them and that’s when it finally makes sense. The logo on the man’s shirt reads: The United States Hot Air Balloon Team.

“Oh my God,” Riley manages, her eyes wide in legitimate surprise.

Maya slides beside her and takes her hand.

“Maya?” she asks, like she’s looking for confirmation. A million questions come to mind because first, she can only guess this is expensive as heck but none of those questions come out of her mouth because she is just utterly surprised, and happy—oh my God.

The man smiles and then asks, “Reservation name, please?”

“Maya Hart,” Maya gives her name as Riley stands frozen in her spot, still unable to wrap her head around this motherfreakin’ surprise.

“Do you have the authorization letter for the credit card used to purchase the booking?”

“Yes, and a photocopy of my father’s ID and credit card,” Maya says and somehow, the word _father_ doesn’t sound so off anymore.

“Great,” the guy beams. “Let’s process that for a moment and then our van will fetch you to take you to the take-off spot.”

“Sure.”

They follow the man to the reception part and as they do, Riley can’t help but bounce on her feet because—

“Are we going on a hot air balloon ride?” she had to ask, of course, even if it’s darn obvious.

Maya smiles, “No, Riley. We’re just here to sit on the grass and think about life.”

“How are you still so sarcastic?”

“I was born this way. Legend has it I was laughing when I was born.”

“Maya…”

“Riley…”

“How—“

“—don’t ask.”

“But this seems expen—“

“I saved money enough pay Shawn back. Don’t worry about it, okay?”

“But—“

“—Riles, we’re crossing something off your list. I don’t think anything else matters right now.”

Riley smiles and her hear soars, probably even higher than the hot air balloon ever can.

.

After the short waiting time, a small van fetches them and takes them on a five-minute trip across the land. Riley is bouncing on her seat, taking pictures here and there and Maya just proudly basks in Riley’s happiness.

They reach the _take-off spot_ and there, the pilot named Brad meets them. He takes a few minutes to setup the colorful hot air balloon before he asks both Maya and Rley to step inside the carriage.

Stepping inside the basket, Riley takes Maya’s hand and squeezes it tight. Maya clasps back as if getting message.

“You’re welcome,” Maya smiles at her and Riley’s breath hitches once more.

“You didn’t have to, you know.”

“I wanted to, or would you rather we cross off North Pole and Santa first because I’ll need more time to plan that.”

Riley laughs, “No, no, Peaches. This is perfect.”

Brad turns to them, smiles, and then asks, “Ready, girls?”

Maya and Riley nod in unison.

Brad presses some buttons and all of a sudden, the burner way above them fires up the next thing they know, they’re being lifted off the ground.

The ride up is painfully slow but once it reaches its peak speed, it never stops. Soon, Riley is looking at the beautiful scenery of the entire Lancaster County. They were just driving through these fields earlier, and now they’re hovering above them.

Riley takes in the sight in front of her and doesn’t notice Maya taking out a camera and snaps a picture of Riley.

Miles and miles of land unfold before her eyes as the cold wind brushes past her.

Maya couldn’t have scheduled a more perfect time than this because the sun is setting and the majestic colors of the sky make this an even more magical experience. They reach the peak height and all of Lancaster now looks smaller than ever.

She pulls Maya closer to her as they stand by the edge of the basket, looking around them like nothing else exists. Brad is silent as though he knows there’s something so electrifying between the two.

Riley isn’t sure if she’s just imagining it but for now, she doesn’t mind. She wraps one arm around Maya’s waist and settles there because _why not_. Maya leans her head on Riley’s shoulder, both reeling in the moment.

Brad plays a song from his phone onto a Bluetooth speaker as if he’d experienced this with so many people before.

_We could fool the datelines / We could jump the statelines / I don't always play nice / But I wanna feel your heartlines_

Riley wants to say something, anything that can describe this moment. She feels like they’re having a moment. Riley cannot put a finger on it.

“Maya—‘

“—just stay in this moment, Riley.”

And Riley does. She doesn’t understand why Maya didn’t want her to say anything. Something hangs in the air between them and it’s real—and Riley feels like it could potentially change so many things.

They stay silent for a while as they feel the hot air balloon descend. The sun is hanging so low in the sky by now and the colors are even more vivid.

_I'll pick you up at midnight / We'll run to beat the sunlight / We only get the one life / And I wanna feel your heartlines / I wanna feel your heart_

The ride ends faster than she would’ve liked but that doesn’t make it any less perfect.

The next thing Riley knows, they’ve landed on the other side of the grassland and waiting for them is the same van from earlier.

“Did you like it?” Maya asks smilingly, knowing full well that Riley indeed liked it but asks for validation anyway.

“Did I like it?” Riley stalls playfully, trying hard to ignore that I’m-about-to-burst feeling bubbling up inside her.

“You’re an asshole!” Maya laughs.

Riley laughs too as she stands in front of Maya and takes both of her hands. She looks her in the eyes, “It was perfect.”

Maya just beams in response and Riley decides that Maya’s smile is one of her favorite things in world. Perhaps it’s been true for a while and just like other things, this realization chooses to surface now. And why not.

Today, this whole day, is the most perfect day.

Brad walks to them before they get in the van, “Ms. Hart, thank you for booking a ride with us. We hope to see you again.”

Maya smiles cordially, “It was nice, Brad. She liked it.”

“You two make a cute couple—“

Riley freezes once again but her brain catches up fast, “—No, we’re—“

“Thank you, Brad,” Maya cuts her off and shakes hands with Brad.

Maya lets the comment slide as Brad walks off.

They get into the van in comfortable silence. They don’t talk about what Brad said, nor about the moment they had earlier. Even during their drive back to the city, they don’t talk about it.

Riley busied herself with social media, Maya busied herself with the drive.

At some point, while they were waiting for the green light, Riley chances a glance at Maya and catches the girl already looking at her. They both look away hurriedly, as if they’ve been caught.

They don’t talk about that moment either.

Today was such a perfect day and she just needs to let all of it out.

She punches a text to Farkle.

**Farkle, I think I’m in love with Maya.**

Farkle’s response is fast.

**I’m going home for Thanksgiving, let’s talk.**

Riley clutches her phone tight.

Eyes closes, Riley sees blonde hair and blue eyes—and she thinks today feels like a first date and she finds herself wishing there could be more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen to "one day like this" by elbow and "heartlines" by broods because THE FEELS. (i'm stabbymcgeee on tumblr, let's cry together.)


	6. Girl Meets Lancaster, Part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Riley thinks of blonde hair and blue eyes; and she thinks that some truths have the ability to change your life forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLOT TWIST OF THE YEAR: I'm back. My life is back in order so okay, let's do this. Hope you're still there. This is going to be a ride so buckle up, kids. (Also brace yourself for my typos bec I wrote this in a plane.)

 

Sleep, to say the least, was aloof all night.

After their day concluded, Riley laid in Maya’s bed just tossing and turning. Maya’s on the other side of the bed, sleeping peacefully with a slight smile on her face.  At various moments during the entire night, when Riley wasn’t tossing and turning, she settled on just looking at Maya’s face.

_Yeah, sure, you can judge—what? You’ve never stared at your bestfriend’s face after you’ve realized that you might be in love with her?_

Seeing Maya in her slumber—unguarded and completely oblivious to the world, Riley only confirms one thing: Maya is happy. Like, undeniably happy. See, Riley has known Maya all her life and yes, college is changing things a bit but Riley still knows Maya the way the lungs knows how to breathe.

Maya likes the person she’s becoming—and it’s that bounce in her step, or that sparkle in her eyes that makes Riley re-think back to their high school days and ask herself: _how come I missed it all before?_

Now, it’s exactly 5:14 in the morning. Riley finally gives up and just hopes that the intermittent nap she’s gotten amid her tossing and turning will be enough to get her through the day.

She sits up and—again—chances a glance at Maya who’s still sound asleep. She smiles briefly before she grabs her phone from under her pillow. She has a text from Farkle.

**Don’t do anything stupid.**

Riley almost laughs and quickly punches a reply.

**I don’t know what to do, which is more stupid than doing anything stupid.**

She releases a sigh before she gets up and dresses up for a walk. It’s dark outside but what is she supposed to do? She can’t stay there until Maya wakes up. She can’t pretend like everything’s alright in Rileytown when in fact, Rileytown just had its strongest earthquake in history.

To say that she’s _shook_ , is an understatement at this point.

.

She doesn’t know Lancaster but thanks to Google Maps, getting around isn’t that hard. She finds a 24/7 diner just three blocks from Maya’s place. It’s empty, save for two other individuals sitting by different tables.

Riley sits on one of the booths and gets a hot chocolate. She sits in silence, allowing the warm drink to settle on her stomach. It’s in that moment that Riley realizes she’s never been alone—not like this.

Even when she’s by herself at her favorite café near NYU, she’s always talking to somebody. Sometimes, it’s Maya on the phone or Farkle through Facebook chat. She even Skyped with Isadora once or twice. She’s always occupied by someone or something that she never really let her thoughts wander.

Maybe that’s why her thoughts are so unsettling lately. Maybe, this quiet is both healthy and unnerving at the same time.

She fishes her phone out and browses through the pictures from her hot air balloon ride with Maya. Their smiles are wide and warm, with the background perfectly highlighting every strand of happiness that could exist in a still photo.

But it’s the photos that Brad took that takes Riley’s breath away—specifically one photo.

It’s the one where Lancaster stretches in front of them. The view is breathtaking. The sun illuminates everything in pink and orange. But Riley and Maya are looking only at each other, hands joined; their eyes saying nothing and everything at the same time.

The photo captures them so perfectly that Riley’s breath hitches for a split second.

Riley remembers this moment.

The hot air balloon was slowly descending. She remembers Maya, taking her hand. Riley recalls clasping Maya’s hand tight—a silent plead: _don’t let go._

Riley remembers Maya looking at her with eyes that say, _I won’t_.

And maybe it’s wishful thinking. Or perhaps it’s Riley’s imagination but there, Riley sees it.

Maya is looking at Riley like she means everything to her. Maya is looking at her the way she always has—and it shakes Riley’s core because it has always been there. Riley doesn’t recall when that kind of look started but it’s always been there.

Riley downs her hot cocoa in one gulp.

Then she feels something in her gut—a hunch. Like that feeling you get when the skies turn dark midday. _Is it going to rain?_ Her hunch tells her a storm is about to worsen her earthquake.

.

 The sun is up by the time she gets back to Maya’s place.

“Hey, where’ve you been?” Maya asks, sipping on her mug of coffee. Beside her by the kitchen bar is Hanna, who looks at Riley briefly before she gets back to texting someone on her phone.

Maya keeps her eyes trained on Riley as the brunette moves toward the direction of Maya’s room. She stops in the middle of the elevator to turn to Maya.

“I woke up early and couldn’t go back to sleep.”

Maya looks at her like she doesn’t believe her at all. “That’s all?” she asks.

Can she tell that something isn’t right in Rileytown?

Well, it’s Maya so, she probably can tell.

“Yeah, why?” she tries.

It’s like skating on thin ice.

Maya hesitates for a moment before she dismisses it and smiles, “Nothing. I was just worried, is all.”

Riley responds with a nod and smile she wishes doesn’t look forced.

There’s silence between them for a few beats—and it’s weird, how Riley doesn’t know how to deal with it. It’s awkward and it’s the first time she experienced this with Maya.

The silence lasts for what feels like forever before Hanna decides to save the day.

“Is it just me or does it feel weird around here?”

It feels like a splash of cold water to the face.

Maya glares at her.

Hanna raises her hands in comic surrender, “I was just asking what _everyone_ —“ she looks around the empty room, “is thinking.”

Maya just laughingly shakes her head.

Riley is instantly relieved because she can sense that Maya’s already softened a bit.

Maya turns to her, “Hey Riles?”

“Hmm?” Riley can feel that her eyes are wide, staring at Maya all startled because if Maya doesn’t let this one go, she’s gonna spill her guts in this very room and that’s—

That’s not something she can do now because she’s not sure of what she’s feeling, or if she’s feeling anything at all.

“Do you still want to go to Longwood Gardens?” Maya asks.

Riley only nods.

“Great!” Maya smiles and hops off the chair. “You go shower and I’m just gonna drop by the supermarket for a while to get that chocolate Tori loves—“ she turns to Hanna briefly.

“—the one from Misty’s,” Hanna interjects.

 _Tori_.

“Yup, that one,” Maya confirms. “To thank her for letting me borrow her car.”

Hanna lets out a laugh, “I think she’s the best _thank you_ gift is not crashing the car.”

“Well, a Misty chocolate bar is a bribe for next time.”

They share a laugh and then Maya turns to Riley again.

“Riles, will you please get the car keys on top of the vanity?”

Riley nods before she turns her back and walks toward Maya’s room. She can feel Maya’s eyes on her so she doesn’t look back.

Deep down, she wonders how long she could keep this up.

.

Once inside Maya’s room, she heads straight to where Maya’s vanity is. It’s adjacent to her bed with a small space separating the two large pieces of furniture. She looks around the small space and finds no keys.

She can remember those keys vividly because it had a Mockingjay keychain.

She opens the top drawers one by one, hoping Maya may have placed it there. So far, no such luck.

She bends over a little to reach the lower drawers and upon pulling the third drawer, something immediately catches her eyes: a glossy purple folder.

It’s a glossy, purple folder but it’s not the color, nor the texture that catches Riley’s attention. It’s the text—written in bold letters—that causes Riley’s hand to tremble a little bit because—

_It couldn’t be._

**CONGRATULATIONS**  
WELCOME TO  
NYU

_Congratulations. Welcome to NYU._

Riley’s lips tremble a little bit. She didn’t need time to process what it was because she’s gotten something exactly like this. It’s the NYU admission packet, the pieces of document that’ll tell you where you’ll be for the next four years or so.

She remembers the day she got her letter. She’d squealed and jumped in joy—and hugged pretty much everyone she knew (and also some people she didn’t really know). It was one of the happiest days of her life.

But now that memory sends a little bit of a bitter taste in her mouth _because it couldn’t be_. Her mind challenges what her heart thinks it already knows—maybe this is from someone Maya knows. Maybe this is Riley’s acceptance letter which Maya somehow got ahold of and kept… as a souvenir or something.

She charges it to _Riley being Riley_ when she reaches out and takes the folder into her hands. She charges it to _Riley being Riley_ when she turns the page over. She trembles a bit more when she finds that white piece of paper, haphazardly folded inside.

She didn’t need to look to know what it was but something rises so violently up her throat when she reads the letter.

_Dear Maya,_

_Congratulations! It is a great honor to inform you that after careful deliberation, you have been accepted for admission into the BFA in Studio Art program under the NYU Steinhardt School of Culture, Education, and Human Development._

_We are also pleased to inform you that your application for scholarship has been granted, the details of which can be found in the second page of this letter._

_The NYU community welcomes you and we are truly hoping you’ll join us._

_See you in September!_

Riley swallows a lump in her throat as she flips the page and takes a look at the second paper attached. And Riley doesn’t know much about these things—she’s had the wonderful privilege of never having to worry about college fees—but it doesn’t take a genius to know that NYU offered Maya a full ride.

A ride Maya obviously didn’t accept and this is where her vision gets blurry.

Maya got into NYU.

Maya never went to NYU.

Instantly, Riley’s mind goes to all the what could’ve been’s: they could’ve gone to the same school, they could’ve been roommates, and so many other possibilities that Riley actually overwhelms herself.

She’s frozen on that spot, her mind running a hundred miles per hour. She has questions she’s not sure how to ask but on top of those questions is the word _why_. Why didn’t Maya go to NYU?

Why didn’t Maya go to college with her?

Sudden movement breaks her train of thoughts.

“Honey, what’s taking you so—“

It’s Maya, standing frozen by the door of her own bedroom, eyes staring wide at the document right in Riley’s hands.

Something in Riley’s gut tells her this moment is something big—something that will change them forever.

“You’re not supposed to see that,” Maya says, voice devoid of any emotion other that utter shock.

Riley… Riley is speechless.

She stares at Maya and that’s when it hits her—she doesn’t know this Maya at all.

Sure, the girl standing in front of her looks the same. Her blue eyes, her long blonde hair, the way she walks, the way she eats her cereal her in morning; at the surface, it seems like nothing has changed.

But this Maya drives without a proper license. This Maya carries with her two cans of spray paint everywhere because she likes to randomly vandalize walls for the mere reason that, _“I can do what I want now, Riley_.” This Maya steps out in the middle of the night to smoke a cigarette, all the while thinking Riley doesn’t know.

This Maya has an extra bounce in her step that Riley cannot relate because she feels out of place in Maya’s life now—and how convenient, isn’t it? How convenient is it to realize that you may have feelings for someone just when you’re about to lose them.

Actually, if she’s going to be honest, it feels like she’s already lost her.

“Say something, Riley,” Maya pleads as she steps forward. She’s careful, like a kid who knows she’s in trouble.

“Stop,” is all she manages.

Maya follow, stopping on her tracks. Tears welling in her eyes.

Riley looks at the folder again and sees the teardrops that managed to end up there. She didn’t even realize she was crying already.

“I need space,” Riley tells Maya.

“I can exp—“

“I need to absorb it,” Riley says, wiping her face free of the tears that don’t seem to end.

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Riley nods as she places the folder back inside the drawer. She then walks past a still-frozen Maya and goes to the bathroom.

There, she turns the shower on and hops in fully dressed.

She isn’t angry. No, that’s not how she feels. She’s just confused—and hurt, and disappointed.

Romantic feelings or not—she loves Maya with all her heart and if there was a chance that they could go to this school in Lancaster together, she would’ve taken that over NYU any day. It’s Maya first above all else and that’s where it stings the most.

Because Riley is just human and sometimes we expect to get the kind of love we are so willing to give.

Riley knows it’s a bit petty. Childhood friends grow apart all the time but part of Riley can’t help but think that she and Maya aren’t just childhood friends—they’re family. They’re each other’s persons and you don’t actively choose to be away from your person, especially not when you’ve gotten a full ride to the same school.

She showers for what feels like days. She didn’t cry. At this point, she only feels empty.

Clad in just a towel, she steps out of the bathroom. The bathroom is located in such a way that you’ll have to cross the kitchen and the living room to get to Maya’s room. She quickly surveys the kitchen and the living room where—thank God—there’s no sign of Maya.

But Hanna is there, by the kitchen bar, looking at her like she knows something is up.

“Maya left and will be back later,” Hanna says and Riley stops on her tracks.

_Of course, she did._

“But she didn’t leave because she’s running,” Hanna follows up.

_Oh._

“She said you should check your phone. She said don’t worry because she won’t call you. She left you a message.”

“I will.”

She resumes walking and gets inside Maya’s room. She didn’t want to but to she gets her phone anyway. There, a text from Maya awaits.

**Riley, I know you’re upset and I know you think I left because that’s what I do but no. I left for a while because you said you wanted space so here’s the space you need. I left the bus tickets on my table, send me a text if you still want to go home together. I can take the train if you want more time. But I suggest you still go to Longwood Gardens. You’ll love it. Hanna will accompany you for the day.**

Riley was half-expecting an apology.

_I’m sorry I didn’t tell you._

_I can explain._

_I’m sorry I’m such a shitty bestfriend._

But frankly, she also didn’t hope for the best. Maya hardly apologizes for her decisions—that makes her incredibly admirable but also incredibly proud and stubborn.

She never apologized to Katy for wanting to move out early. She never apologized to Topanga for climbing up the window despite being repeatedly told not to. She never apologized to Shawn for still using her biological father’s last name in her art signatures. She never apologized to Cory for repeatedly insinuating he’s a bad teacher.

The only person she’s ever apologized to is Riley when she hurts her or disappoints her but something about this whole thing feels bigger than it is.

A knock on the door followed by Hanna’s soft voice distracts her momentarily, “I’m ready if you are. I got the car keys and I’m an excellent driver.”

Despite herself, she smiles.

“I’ll be ready in a sec.”

She doesn’t reply to Maya’s message.

.

After stopping for brunch, Hanna and Riley head straight to Longwood Gardens. It’s a one-hour drive from Lancaster but soon as she knew that Maya was willing to take her there, she couldn’t pass up on the opportunity. Except three days ago, they were perfectly fine. Now, Riley cannot even think of Maya without wanting to cry.

Strange isn’t it—how events from the past could easily ruin the present and shape the future.

Longwood Gardens to put it simply is a very, very big garden; 400+ hectares of land dedicated to being a garden. Art, horticulture, indoor and outdoor flower displays—it’s here. If she went alone, she’ll probably get lost.

After paying the entrance fee, she grabs a map and discussed briefly with Hanna the parts of the garden she wants to visit. Hanna just nods, being a supportive tour guide. Hanna’s been there before but claimed she wouldn’t mind coming back simply because she doesn’t understand why people have so much time.

“ _A flower exhibition?_ ” she utters in sheer confusion.

They silently walk in sync with each other. Riley is taking pictures here and there, and already imagining the kind of trivia Farkle will tell her if he was here. She thinks about Zay’s reaction which is basically just like Hanna’s. She thinks about Smackle, who will probably be amazed at its beauty while also not completely understanding how something that cannot be measured by numbers and figures, could make so much sense.

And every time her mind wanders to her friends, it always leads back to Maya.

Soon as she thinks about her, she shuts that thought right away. She cannot deal with this now.

Hanna is quiet beside her, just occasionally making small talk and actively offering to take pictures of Riley whenever there’s a giant plant or a colorful space in the garden. Maya is thankful because Hanna’s a great photographer but also because she knows she has questions but the girl hasn’t said anything.

It’s nice to walk around in this beautiful place in peace. Her mind isn’t at peace at all—and actually feels like she’s about to cry anytime—but it’s nice to pretend everything’s fine in her bubble.

But that bubble eventually bursts.

“You know Maya didn’t mean to hurt you, right?”

Riley sighs.

It’s a particularly long walk from their last destination to their next and final stop: the Garden Railway. It’s a small train that goes around the garden, showing off the place in its tranquility. Riley is looking forward to it earlier, now she just wants this day to end.

“I know,” she replies coldly, not wanting to elaborate, especially not with Hanna. Hanna is Maya’s friend. She’ll side with her.

“I’m not siding with her just because she’s more my friend than I’m yours.”

_Can she read minds?_

When Riley won’t respond, Hanna continues, “I only said that because for the brief time that I’ve known her, there’s one thing I know for sure. That you’re her bestfriend in the world and she will ditch every date she has to take the last train to New York for you.”

Riley swallows an invisible lump in her throat and then releases a heavy sigh. She stops walking to turn to Hanna. She almost yells in frustration, “Yeah, she ditched dates but forgot to tell me she got into NYU and never went there!”

Hanna is actually taken aback. She raises her hands in surrender, blinking multiple times to process what Riley just said.

They continue walking in silence until they reach a bench in the middle of this entire forest. It’s a silent trail with a couple of people walking ahead and behind them. The air is fresh and the quiet is pure, like nothing could hurt you.

The trees surrounding them are thin and tall—and Riley has long stopped the habit of walking to the labels in each tree to try and say their scientific names. Now, it’s just tall, thin trees swaying with the breeze.

They sit by the bench in sync, like they both know it’s time to talk.

“For the record, she specifically told me not to bug you about it,” Hanna starts, grabbing a bottle of water from her tote bag. She takes a big sip.

“I just don’t understand.”

“Are you upset? I’m not gonna tell her, don’t worry. I just—you look like you need to talk about it.”

“I’m not upset,” Riley responds, uncertain. She pauses to think and then takes it back, “Actually no, I’m upset.”

“Are you upset because she didn’t go to NYU or are you upset because she didn’t tell you?”

“Both.”

Silence settles between them for a while. Hanna’s trying to think of the best way to respond and Riley is secretly pondering if _both_ is really the correct answer.

Eventually, Riley breaks the silence. “Do you have a bestfriend?” she asks.

Hanna nods, “Yeah. Her name’s Emily.”

“If this happened to you, what would you do?”

“Punch her and then she’ll punch me back because she’s stronger,” Hanna says with a chuckle. She turns to Riley with a sincerity she didn’t expect, “Look, Riley. I don’t know what happened inside Maya’s head when she didn’t tell you but you have to believe in your heart that Maya will not hurt you on purpose, okay?”

Riley listens.

“And this sucks—heck, if this happened to me, I would smack Emily in the face but then, after that, I’ll throw some stuff. Then I’ll process information, take a breather. Then I’ll talk to her about it, ask my questions.”

Riley can’t tell her that this is a little bit more complicated than just a bestfriend’s quarrel.

“Maya loves you. I don’t think she could love anyone as much as she loves you.”

Riley’s head snaps to Hanna so fast, it feels like a whiplash. Hanna isn’t looking at her but she can see how sure Hanna is of what she just said. Riley wants to ask but part of her doesn’t want to know.

“You’re her bestfriend,” Hanna says, meeting Riley’s eyes, “or whatever.”

It’s the _or whatever_ that throws Riley off. There’s a glint in Hanna’s eyes that’s trying to tell her something. She just couldn’t tell what it is.

A couple of seconds pass.

Riley finally gets the courage to ask, “Does she talk about me?”

Hanna chuckles, “I didn’t even feel the need to ask you who you are when you knocked at the apartment. I think that tells you something.” Hanna smiles, “She misses you a lot. She misses your other friends, too. The funny guy—“

“—Zay.”

Hanna nods, “That one. Also the girl who hates to be touched—“

“Isadora.”

“Yup, and then used-to-be-high-neck-sweater guy but now borderline-goth guy—“

Riley actually laughs, “Farkle.”

Hanna smiles, “How on Earth did I forget that fuckin’ name?”

“Does she also talk about Lucas?”

“The guy she thought she liked but actually didn’t?”

“Wait, what?”

Hanna’s eyes are suddenly wide in surprise, like she said something she isn’t supposed to say. “Nothing,” she denies.

“Did you just say—“

“Not gonna confirm nor deny. It’s not my story to tell.”

“Come on,” she actually whines, frustration settling in. _What else is Maya keeping from her?_

“Riley, look,” Hanna says as she stands, her voice oozing of finality. “I told you she misses you and all of your friends, some of whom I know a little bit about because she won’t stop telling me about it. You were _kings_.”

Riley only sighs, her shoulders slacking in defeat.

“Her constant stories about you and your friends tell me that whatever made her choose a school far away from New York, it’s something important to her. And whatever I said about Lucas,” she meets Riley’s eyes, “go figure.”

Hanna then starts to walk up the hill.

Riley follows quietly, mind still going a hundred miles per hour.

They barely speak for the rest of the tour except for the occasional banter about chrysanthemums, and how they symbolize different things depending on color. The red symbolizes love and passion. The yellows symbolize neglect and sorrow.

And Riley can’t decide which one she’d take home as a souvenir.

 .

**Let’s stick to the plan of going home together. I’ll wait for you at the bus stop 10 minutes before boarding time.**

She sends Maya the text.

She’s not sure why she’s very specific with her choice of torture.

.

Twenty minutes before the bus leaves, Riley sits at the bus station waiting for Maya.

She opted to leave the apartment early, telling Hanna she’s going to the station by herself. She needs some quiet time to collect her thoughts. She’s also avoiding Maya, not ready for any sort of confrontation—not now when the night bus ride is about four hours long.

Maya suggested that they take the train because it’s faster but Riley insisted that she wants to take the bus so they could spend more time alone. Once they get to New York, their friends would be around all the time. Now, that suggestion has backfired in the worst way.

The usual Riley approach would be to pretend that everything is fine. But it’s Maya, and she really can’t pretend around Maya.

The night is the coldest it’s been since she got here. She has a shirt and a scarf under her coat, and that hasn’t been enough. The hot cocoa she’s been nursing for the past 10 minutes is the only reason she’s able to manage it.

The bus leaves at 6:45 and at 6:35, exactly 10 minutes before the boarding time, she sees Maya walking toward her. All five feet of her is carrying a big backpack and a sadness that breaks Riley’s heart. Her steps are slow but sure, like she’s trying to see if it’s a good time to approach Riley.

Riley thinks Maya has been at the station way earlier but only approached her now because that’s what her the text message said.

Riley actually feels bad.

Maya quietly takes the seat next to Riley, “Hey.”

Her voice is low, like she’s testing the waters.

Riley doesn’t say anything.

“Are we going to talk about it?” Maya asks, her voice breaking mid-sentence.

It’s breaking her heart that she’s doing this to Maya. But she’s hurt and we do horrible things when we’re hurt.

“I don’t want to.”

“Riley, I’m sorry.”

“I know. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Maybe, if they don’t talk about it, it will suddenly disappear. Maybe, the situation will fix itself so Riley won’t have to.

“Riles, don’t be like this—“

“—don’t be like what?” she fires back, looking Maya in the eyes. Tears are brimming in their eyes, threatening to fall non-stop when provoked.

“This is not us,” Maya mutters quietly. She looks away, unable to further stand the way Riley looks at her with such contempt.

Riley chuckles bitterly. “Don’t say anything about _us not being us_. You turned your back on that when you decided not to tell me.”

Maya turns to her, pleading, “Then let’s talk about it!”

“I don’t want to, not yet. Not now.”

“Riley, I don’t know how to be like this—“ she gestures at the space between them, “with you.”

“We don’t have to talk on the way home.”

“Then why did you insist on still taking this bus ride together?” Maya releases a deep breath in utter frustration.

“Because I don’t want you to be alone on the way home. Going home shouldn’t feel like that.”

That silences Maya.

They stay like that for the next few minutes, quiet and lonely, until their bus arrives.

They board the bus and unfortunately, the bus is full so there’s no option but to take the seats they picked when they booked online. Maya settles next to her, still quiet and careful with her movement.

Riley realized that this is the first real fight she’s had with Maya and maybe this is why none of them knows how to work their way around it. That’s what it is, a fight—a real fight. Except this one feels bigger than it is but Riley’s not yet sure why.

At some point in the middle of the night, Riley chances a glance at Maya.

Maya has her earphones on, eyes closed but Riley could tell she’s not sleeping. Contrary to all the happiness she’s seen on Maya in the last two days, right now the girl looks sad, like she’s wearing something heavy on her shoulders. Like she’s keeping a lot of things to herself.

Riley takes Maya’s hand. If the other girl is surprised by the gesture, she doesn’t show it. Riley laces their fingers together and Maya, like clockwork, clasps her hand back.

Topanga used to say that _loving somebody means forgiving them on their bad days. Riley, when you love somebody, whoever that might be—a friend, a lover—you take their hand, even when the bad days become the worst of days. Especially when the bad days become the worst of days. That’s what love is like. It’s a lot of work but the good days, oh God the good days, those are the best days. And that should count far better than the bad days._

With Maya’s hand in her hand, Riley closes her eyes and tries to get some sleep. Later, she feels Maya lean her head on her shoulder.

As it should, and as it always does, Riley’s heart beats fast. Like she’s a middle school girl again in that train when Lucas caught her eye. Except it’s not Lucas.

It’s not even some boy.

It’s Maya; and that’s when it hits her. Her body has always reacted this way around Maya. Her days are brighter when she sees Maya. Her heart beats faster when she sees her. She smiles like an idiot when they lock eyes even from across the room.

_What is happening to me?_

But those thoughts are quickly replaced by images from this morning, when Maya’s guilty eyes are trying to tell her something she couldn’t guess what.

_Are you upset because she didn’t go to NYU or are you upset because she didn’t tell you?_

The truth is, she’s not upset.

She’s scared—because what if the reason Maya didn’t go NYU has something to do with her? With the way Maya looked at her earlier today, Riley is certain it has something to do with her.

And Riley thinks of blonde hair and blue eyes; and she thinks that some truths have the ability to change your life forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried writing that last part bec I'm dramatic. Let's cry together on Tumblr, I'm stabbymcgeee.


	7. Girl Meets Flashbacks and Aftermaths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Please wait for me—until I’m ready to tell you everything.” / And Riley thinks of blonde hair and blue eyes; and she thinks she would wait forever if she has to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR, indeed. I'm, like, 12 days late but hey, this is a gift from me to you. 4k+ words. Must be a great year ahead, huh. I truly hope so.

 

_The only thing that matters is you and me._

Riley blinks rapidly as she stares blankly into the ceiling of her own room. It’s the morning of Thanksgiving and a few hours since she’d gotten back to New York with Maya and nothing—nothing has changed.

Actually, no—everything has changed.

The weather in New York during this time could be heaven or hell depending on your mood. But if you’re anything like Riley—whose idea of a perfect world only has summers and endless beach days—then yeah, New York in November is pretty much hell for you.

But as a resident of this city all her life, it never used to bother her. She’d cozy up in the best sweaters she could get from the cheapest mid-class store at the mall, get a hot cocoa anytime she’d like (because they sell it everywhere), get different scarves as gifts from everyone who sucks at gift-giving—those things used to be enough. Those simple, seemingly everyday things, used to satisfy Riley.

But now, everything seems… incomplete. Like something is missing.

She’s been up all night still stuck on the questions she has for Maya—some questions she’s not sure she’s strong enough to ask. _Why didn’t you go? Was it me? Did you finally get tired of me?_

And hey, for a good hour during the entire night she’d laid in bed, it crossed her mind that maybe it isn’t about her. Maybe, Maya didn’t want to go to NYU. Maybe, she wanted to live in a different city. Maybe, it’s not Riley at all—maybe, there are other things that has driven Maya away.

But every time her mind goes there, another part of her brain replays the look on Maya’s face when she saw Riley holding those envelopes. That’s not the look on the face of someone who has other reasons for going away.

Riley lets her mind do its thing for few minutes more until she hears Topanga’s voice, calling everyone out for breakfast.

The parade. Yes.

She gets up and wills herself to be a little bit enthusiastic about it. As she hops off the bed, she hopes that the balloons at the parade don’t remind her of pink skies and blue eyes.

.

_Life is good._

_Promise me we’ll always be together._

_We’ll always be together._

_Then it’s good._

.

Turns out, the parade wasn’t enough to keep her mind off everything.

She’s spent all the Thanksgiving Days she can remember with Maya—happily looking up at the balloons, lights, and decors that seem bigger than they’ve ever imagined. She has spent all her Thanksgiving Days thanking the higher power that sent Maya wandering the day she first crawled into the bay window. That day changed her life.

She has spent all the Thanksgiving Days she can remember with Maya—and maybe, that’s why she remembers them. Because Maya is there and that has always been enough.

Today, it’s just the Matthews family.

Last night, Shawn sent Cory a text message saying their family has decided to celebrate Thanksgiving by themselves at their home upstate. When Cory had asked, _“Why is this so sudden?_ ” Shawn’s only response is comprised of two emojis: one of a girl with blonde hair, and one of a girl with brunette hair.

Riley knows because she heard her parents talk about it. “ _Do you think they’re okay?” “Topanga, Maya’s not coming to our Thanksgiving dinner. They’re not okay. This has got to be the most not-okay they’ve been since they were seven.” “Don’t be ridiculous.” “Shawn sent me emojis.” “Okay. This is serious.”_

She steps away from her parents’ bedroom door before she hears the rest of their conversation. _Maya’s not coming to our Thanksgiving dinner._

To be honest, Riley is relieved.

Kind of.

.

_No matter what happens, I’m telling you that I will always be your bestfriend no matter what._

.

Once they’re home from the parade and their brunch at the café, everyone in the Matthews family launches into their Topanga-assigned tasks.

August helps with Topanga in preparing the meals. Cory starts rearranging the living area to accommodate a larger table for their guests tonight. And Riley… Riley retreats silently to her room. Topanga had given her a look, as if asking how she’s doing, and Riley only responded with a slight nod.

She knows she can’t lie to her mother. But thankfully, Topanga lets it go for now.

Once inside her room, she slumps back into her bed, mirroring the same position she did that morning.

It all feels hollow.

It’s like she’s being pulled into a constant feeling of emptiness. It’s like being dragged into a state of consciousness that only exists in places of your being that have nothing in them but space. She’s done asking questions in her mind. She knows she’s never gonna get answers unless she asks Maya—and even that is a long, long shot.

Right now, she’s just lost. It’s like she doesn’t know her world anymore.

It’s funny, isn’t it—how one single event could change the way you look at your life?

“Hey,” Riley’s thoughts are interrupted by a voice.

She turns to the bay window and sees Farkle—with the same empathetic eyes and a knowing smile.

“Hey,” she greets back quietly.

Maybe, Farkle can feel that hollowness, too.

“How are you?” he asks, sitting by the window tentatively. It’s like he knows it’s not his place.

Riley scoots over to the other side of the bed then pats the space next to her. Farkle, through years and years of friendship, knows exactly what to do. He walks toward Riley and mirrors her position on the bed, eyes trained at the faded cream-colored ceiling.

“I’m not sure,” Riley answers his question.

“How did you part ways last night?”

“We said goodbye and _Happy Thanksgiving_.”

“Was that all you wanted to say?”

“What was I supposed to say?”

“I don’t know, Riley.”

“I don’t know, either,” she says as she turns to Farkle who also turns to her.

Now, they’re lying on their sides, their faces a good few inches apart from one another.

“Farkle, have I fucked it up with Maya?”

There’s a twinkle in Farkle’s eyes and then he smiles, “I think she would ask me the same question.”

“Has she spoken to you? About it?”

Farkle looks way, as if guilty of something. Riley thinks she knows why.

“You knew, didn’t you?”

The guy still isn’t meeting her gaze. She speaks again, “I won’t be mad.”

That’s when Farkle looks back at her, this time he lets out a sigh, “She didn’t tell me. I accidentally found out.”

“How?”

“Zay.”

“She told Zay?” she asks, shooting up from her position from the bed. Her voice is a little higher than she intended to because _Maya fucking told Zay?_

Farkle gets up in a rush, also now mirroring Riley’s sitting position.

“I—I don’t know, okay,” he says, panicked. “Remember when we had a Skype call and you weren’t available because the Internet was down at your dorm?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, Smackle and Lucas bailed out last minute. So, there was just Zay, Maya, and I. The line keeps getting interrupted on my end. It kept dropping me on and off, and I don’t know—maybe they assumed I wasn’t there anymore that Zay mentioned it to Maya. And they discussed two or three sentences of it before they realized I was still there.”

“Did she tell you not to tell me?”

“No.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“It—it wasn’t my story to tell, Riley.”

Riley closes her eyes as she takes a long, deep breath. She can’t take it on Farkle. He did the right thing. It wasn’t his secret to tell. She can’t blame him for not taking sides.

“I don’t understand this, Farkle.”

“Only Maya can help you with that. Talk to her Riley. This,” he releases a heavy sigh, “this isn’t the two of you. This isn’t the Riley and the Maya that I know.”

“People change, you know. People grow apart.”

Farkle laughs a really, really sad laugh. “Lucas and I, Smackle and I, or you and Lucas—yeah, we all can grow apart. But you and Maya?” a pause, “The Riley I know wouldn’t let that happen. Not ever. I remember telling Maya once when you had a small fight: _The two of you can’t be apart. It shakes the foundation of the whole world._ ”

Riley looks at him, as if he knows the answers to all of this.

He smiles a small smile, “Some things are just true.”

Riley visibly deflates. She sinks onto her seat, her shoulders slump, and she covers her face with both of her hands. “I miss her,” she admits, and with that admission, she actually feels her heart ache physically.

“I know,” he empathizes, swinging one arm over Riley and pulling her close.

There, Riley cries.

It feels like the tears are never going to end.

.

_It’s you and me forever. There is nothing you could ever do to change that._

.

By the time dinner rolls around, the guests have already arrived. There’s Farkle and his parents. There’s Lucas and his parents who are in town for the holidays to visit other relatives. There’s Eva and her mom plus her mom’s long-time boyfriend. There’s the Danvers sisters—Kara and Alex—who live next door.

Dinner smells nice and everyone’s smiling. It’s warm, a great contrast to the bitter bite of November nights in New York. But that space in Riley’s chest still screams at her, never wanting to be ignored.

Amid the dinner, Riley turns to Farkle and asks, “Can you drive me upstate after the dinner?”

“I can’t trust myself to drive you. It’s a five-hour drive. But I know someone who can.”

He chances a glance at Lucas who is busy talking to August about some baseball-related stuff.

“No questions asked?”

“That’s Lucas for you. No questions asked.”

.

_You realize, Maya, that life as we know it has changed._

_Scared?_

_No. I got you._

.

It all happens very fast.

Right after dinner, Riley tells her mom she needs to go somewhere and a quick exchange of looks between her parents tell Riley that they didn’t need to ask to know where she’s headed.

Farkle tells her parents he’s borrowing their car. Farkle’s parents ask how they’re going to drive home but Cory is quick to offer his services although their own car probably isn’t as fancy as that of the Minkus’.

Lucas tells his parents he will drive Riley and Farkle—and really, none of the parents could’ve stopped them if they wanted to.

The next thing Riley knows, she’s sitting at the backseat of the Minkus family car with Lucas and Farkle on the driver’s seat and the passenger seat respectively. They’re singing along to a song they used to listen to when they were just sad, sappy little high-schoolers.

And everything around Riley is wrong—and there are parts of her that still hurts but her life isn’t her life without Maya.

The answers are probably going to destroy her or change their friendship for good.

But this hollow feeling in her chest, it needs to go.

Maya has to fill these spaces so Riley could feel whole again.

And maybe, Riley finally understands her father when he tells her _loving somebody takes more than just love_.

Sometimes, it takes a spontaneous five-hour drive to Rochester. Sometimes, it takes courage.

Sometimes, it takes forgiveness.

.

_I would do anything for you._

_I know._

.

It surprises Riley that she still knows the way to the Hunter’s upstate residence.

It’s been a while since she went here _driving_ but either way, Riley’s proud she didn’t need to ask her parents for directions because that would’ve been really embarrassing.

“Time check,” Lucas says, stretching his arms. He looks relieved that the long drive has finally come to an end.

“One-thirty.”

“This is such a bad idea,” Riley says. “I don’t even know why I came here.”

“You wanted answers, right?”

Riley hesitates, “What if we just—“

“No,” Lucas interrupts before Riley even finishes the sentence. “We’ve driven all the way here. There’s no way I’m going to drive back to the city. Also, I really have to pee.”

Riley starts biting her fingernails anxiously.

“Hey,” Lucas calls out, freeing himself of the seatbelt. He reaches out from the driver’s seat to grab Riley’s hand, thus stopping her from the habit. “It’s Maya, Riley. She’ll wake up the entire neighborhood if you asked her to.”

“Okay,” Riley nods, pulling her arm from Lucas’ grasp. She gets ahold of the door handle.

“Ready?” Farkles asks.

“No. I don’t think so,” she replies, as she opens the door and hops off the vehicle.

.

_Your safe place is me._

_And I’m yours._

_From the day we met._

.

There was no trouble approaching the front door of the Hunter home. The porch light is still on—which Riley guesses is because Cory already called Shawn to give him notice of the trio’s arrival.

Trailing behind her are Lucas and Farkle.

She knocks three times, the sound of her fist hitting the door easily mimics the sound of her heart banging against her chest.

She hears shuffling from the inside before the door opens.

“Hi, Uncle Shawn.”

“Riley,” he says with a sly smile.

Lucas clears his throat behind Riley, “Mr. Hunter, may I use your bathroom?”

Shawn cocks his head to the side and gestures for all of them to go in. As they step in, Lucas runs to the bathroom as both Farkle and Riley look around the house. Still as cozy as Riley remembers it and it seems like nothing much has changed except now it’s become obvious that a family has made this place a home.

There are more picture frames, there are kids’ toys everywhere—and the house is warmer than she remembers it. Upstate is a cruel place at this time of the year, a little bit colder than the city, but right now it feels warm and lived in.

“Maya is in her room,” Shawn tells Riley.

Riley nods.

“I didn’t tell her you were coming. She’s been painting all night.”

She feels Farkle squeeze her hand. “Go,” he says.

“Yeah, I—“

Shawn nods knowingly, “Go.”

.

_If this my world now, the first person I want in it is you._

.

Riley heads to the back of the house where Maya’s room is located. It used to be Shawn’s dark room but since everyone’s gone digital now and the actual house only has one room, it seemed like the perfect idea to convert the dark-room-turned-storage into Maya’s new room.

She never really goes home since she’d gone to college (and granted that’s only been a few months) but she claims it feels good to come home to a house and a family that has a space for her. That’s Maya, being the sap that she is.

 Riley knocks but there’s no response.

For a moment, she thinks Maya’s already gone to sleep but she can see light through the cracks of the door. Maya sleeps with her room pitch black so there’s no way she’s already asleep.

Riley was about to knock again when the door swings open.

Soon as she sees Maya, Riley knows there’s no turning back.

“Hey,” Riley manages.

Maya already has tears brimming in her eyes. Maybe she, too, knows how big this moment is.

“Hey,” she greets back hesitantly.

“Are you ready to talk?”

Riley sniffs, “Yeah, I don’t think I asked Lucas to drive five hours just to go back home without answers.”

Maya nods, “Figures.”

.

The first few minutes were silent and awkward.

Riley sits on Maya’s bed as she looks around. It’s still the same as she remembers it. It’s still very Maya, although part of Riley believes she doesn’t know what that means anymore.

Maya is next to her, stiff and tentative, like she’s waiting for Riley to yell or scream or just totally lose it. She probably knows that Riley won’t do that but this is uncharted territory for both of them.

“Before I forget,” Maya breaks the silence first.

She stands up and walks to her dresser. She grabs a piece of paper from one of the drawers. Then she goes and sits back next to Riley.

She hands Riley the paper and Riley takes it with such ease.

 **LIGHT & SHADOWS**  
A Solo Art Exhibit by Maya Hart

“It’s not much. It’s a small studio,” Maya says, voice shaking mid-sentence. “I—I was going to surprise you today. But you know.”

Riley keeps her eyes on the flyer. The design is nice—a simple, minimalist drawing of an open door. The text floats above it all, bold and solid.

“It’s on the third week of January,” Riley states, mentally noting all the important details from the flyer.

“Yeah, it’s—it’s the only day they let me rent the place at the cheapest rate. The school sponsored it so—”

“Congratulations,” she says. She can’t help the sadness that comes along with it.

They’ve talked about this moment since they were in high school. Maya was going to hand her the invitation to her first independent show and Riley was supposed to cry in sheer joy. It’s Maya’s big moment. It’s Maya’s big _fuck you_ to everyone who used to tell her she will not get anywhere because she sucked at school.

It’s not much, not in the grand scheme of things, but it means the whole world to Maya.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen after this talk but I was hoping you’d be there,” Maya says. Her voice is firmer now but Riley can still sense that she’s hesitant.

“I’ll be there,” Riley says with a smile. Yeah, things are rough now but that doesn’t make this show any less important. They’ve waited for this moment all their lives, there’s no stopping Riley from being present in that moment.

Riley grips the edges of the flyer, crumpling it a bit, as she prepares herself for what’s coming next.

She mentally runs through the questions she’s prepared on the way here.

_Why didn’t you go?_

_Why didn’t you tell me?_

_Are you tired of me?_

But what leaves her mouth is not something she’d been planning to ask.

“Are you happy, Maya?”

The question comes from out of nowhere that Maya actually flinches. She then stares at Riley, like she’s waiting for her to elaborate and that’s when Riley starts. She feels like a volcano waiting to explode.

“I’m—“ she stutters, “just curious, you know.” She lets out a deep breath before following up, “It feels like I don’t know you anymore.”

Maya shifts on her seat and grabs both of Riley’s hand, willing her to turn to her. “Riley,” she begins. “Riley, it’s still me. Maya. I’m your bestfriend and yes, I’ve done so many shitty things in my life but this is still me.”

Riley’s lips tremble and her hands shake a bit. She’s never been this nervous around Maya—not this way. This is not a butterflies-in-your-stomach kind of nervous. This is friendship-life-or-death kind of nervous.

She pulls both of her hands free of Maya’s grip and proceeds to fumble at the hem of her shirt. “Are you happy?” she asks again.

Maya is silent for the briefest of seconds. Then she nods gently, “I am. I mean, not right now, obviously. But yes, Riles. I’ve been happy.”

Riley thinks it’s weird that someone’s happiness could mean a different thing to somebody else.

“Good,” Riley manages. “I guess I’m just curious if it’s worth it.”

They’re getting there.

“Riley, I don’t know who I am without you.”

This throws Riley off so hard that she turns to Maya so abruptly.

Maya stands up and starts pacing around the small space of her room. The environment is messy of paint and unfinished canvasses of black-and-white art. The room smells of mixed paint and oil pastels. But the moonlight shines through the small cracks of the sealed window and maybe that means something.

“Remember when everyone just assumed I became you when I thought I liked Lucas during that whole Triangle thing?” a pause, “When I look back on that now, it doesn’t make sense anymore.”

“What?” Riley asks, now genuinely confused.

“Riley, I didn’t become you because you liked Lucas and I wanted him to like me,” she says. She stops pacing all at once to meet Riley’s eyes. “I changed because I was losing you and I don’t know how to do that.”

Riley stays quiet and just listens. Turns out Maya _is_ the volcano and she is about to explode.

“I was losing you to this boy and we were young, I didn’t know any better. I thought I was going to lose you forever, and I got so scared so maybe that’s why I changed. I started acting and dressing similar to you because I don’t know how to be me—,” she pauses, trying to blink away the tears that have formed in her eyes. “—I don’t know how to be me without you.”

“Why do you sound like you’re blaming me? Why do you make that sound so bad?”

“You really don’t see the problem there?” Maya asks.

Riley has no idea where this is going.

“Riley, after that whole park vandalism thing, I realized that I don’t know who I am,” Maya says, voice laced with such unfamiliar honesty. “I don’t know who the fuck _True Maya_ is because I only know the Maya who is with you all the time. I don’t know how to be alone. I don’t know how to do my whole life on my own. I—,” she breathes, “I just wanted some space.”

Maya’s tears start to fall. She wipes her tears with the back of her hand, a gesture Riley’s familiar with. It’s how she knows Maya is hurting for real.

“Is that why you didn’t go to NYU?”

Maya nods sadly, “I wanted some time to myself, to figure out who I am when the bay window is not three train stops away.”

“Is that the only reason?”

Honestly, Riley doesn’t know what kind of answer she’s expecting.

Maya doesn’t answer right away. She looks at Riley dead in the eyes, trying to guess where this question is heading. A few seconds pass before Riley sees a shift in Maya’s eyes.

She doesn’t know what that shift means. It’s a wild guess but she thinks Maya saw something in the way Riley is looking at her—because what her bestfriend says next are words she knows will haunt her forever.

“That’s the only one I can talk to you about.”

Something inside Riley shatters but she asks anyway, “There are other reasons?”

Maya swallows. She sits back next to Riley but she stays silent. It doesn’t feel like she will answer that question at all.

So Riley rephrases the question but this one feels like an entire different narrative altogether. “Maya, is there something I’m missing? Small things, big stuff—is there something I should know?”

Riley’s mind screams at Maya, _TELL ME! TELL ME!_

Maya responds but she doesn’t turn to Riley at all, “No.”

In Maya-speak, no eye contact means she’s probably lying to you. So she prods, “Maya…”

“Yes.”

“Talk to me about it.”

“Not now.”

For some reason, Riley concedes. The air is so thick right now that it feels like she’s drowning. She decides to let it go for now.

“Okay,” Riley says, releasing a deep breath.

“Okay?”

“Do you think you’re getting there?”

“Where?”

“To figuring out who you are.”

“Yeah, yeah, I think so,” Maya says. “It’s too early to tell but it’s been a ride.”

Maya smiles and Riley sees her soften up. That stiff and hardened Maya from just seconds ago is gone. This is the Maya she knows. She’s rough on the edges, but she’s sweet and soft in the parts of her heart that she lets Riley see.

Maybe Maya has other reasons. Maybe Riley is dying to know. But maybe it’s okay to not know now, not yet.

“I just wish you told me, you know,” Riley says with a smile. It’s the realest smile she’s given all day.

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” Maya explains, scooting closer to Riley. She then drops her head on the taller girl’s shoulder.

The gesture came so naturally and Riley’s heart, for a second, melts.

“Yeah, well, I’d probably smack your face with that folder. I’d probably cry for two straight nights but I still would’ve helped you pack your stuff. I still would’ve sat at the back of that pick-up and screamed so loud along I-78,” she says. “It would’ve hurt but it wouldn’t change anything between us.”

Maya hesitates for some reason Riley doesn’t know but she nods eventually, “I’m sorry.”

“I love you, Maya. I hope you know that.”

Right at that moment, she isn’t sure about the kind of love that she feels for Maya. But she shuts that thought again. It’s probably not the best time.

“I know,” Maya says, “I love you, too,” and it’s just so easy for Riley to believe Maya when she says those words.

Silence settles between them for a while.

“Are we okay?” Maya asks, her voice now laced with pleading.

“Yeah, we’re okay.”

Riley truly believes that.

“Are you staying the night? You can sleep here in my room.”

“It smells in here,” Riley observes with a small laugh.

Maya lets out a small but genuine laugh—and _God_ , there’s nothing Riley wouldn’t do to hear that sound over and over for the rest of her life.

“But you love it,” Maya says with such ease and certainty.

“Yeah, I do,” Riley agrees, kissing what part of Maya’s head she can reach with her lips. Her hair smells nice.

Maya laces their fingers together and Riley clasps her hand back like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

“Riley?”

“Hmm?”

“Please wait for me—until I’m ready to tell you everything.”

And Riley thinks of blonde hair and blue eyes; and she thinks she would wait forever if she has to.

“Yes, Peaches. I’ll wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to re-watch about 10 rilaya videos on Youtube to get all those quotes. That was hell, or heaven. Depending on your mood. Come cry with me, I'm stabbymcgeee on Tumblr.


	8. Girl Meets Tori Vega

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She thinks about the times when Maya didn’t need words to tell her she was in love with her. Riley thinks about the times she may have heard Maya but didn’t listen. Riley thinks of blonde hair and blue eyes; and she thinks that maybe, she has been in love with her, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, I know. And I'm sorry. But I'll try to make it up to you.

Time flies quickly after Thanksgiving.

Like all their Christmas holidays, Maya and Riley spent the Christmas holiday together. They’d stayed at the Matthews per usual but they did spend one weekend upstate.

Everyone was back in town for the holiday—Maya, Zay, Isadora, Farkle, Lucas—so naturally, sleepovers and endless movie nights happened. Sometimes, Maya would show up but there were nights that Maya had to bail. She was still finishing some of her paintings during the break and everyone understood.

Throughout the holiday break, Riley was the only one Maya saw on the regular. She would hang out with the others from time to time but it was obvious to everybody that Riley was really the only one she wanted to spend time with. Not that anybody questioned it.

When Maya is in her “ _artist mood”_ as Zay calls it, she sort-of shuts everyone out except for a select few—and that exclusive group has always included Riley. In some of those _artist mood_ periods, Riley was really the only person she ever wanted to talk to.

Sometimes, Riley thinks she’d been too stupid to think Maya will ever be driven away by anything. Maya loves her too much.

Sometimes, Riley wonders how come she never saw how deep-rooted that love is.

“Ready?” Riley hears her father’s voice.

Riley is sitting anxiously by their living room, waiting for her dad and her brother.

“Yeah, I’m ready,” she says.

“You seem more nervous than Maya,” Cory notes.

Riley rubs her palms together, shivering, “I don’t know why.”

Tonight is the opening night of Maya’s two-day solo show.

Topanga, along with Katy and Shawn, has been at the venue since this morning, helping Maya to prepare everything. As a congratulatory gift, _Topanga’s_ is serving cakes and drinks for the event. Katy offered to pay but Topanga argued that Maya is not just Riley’s bestfriend. Maya is family. And really, no one could’ve stopped Topanga if they tried.

“I’m so proud of her, Dad,” Riley says as she stands.

“I know. I am, too,” Cory says with a smile.

Cory walks to the table where a bouquet of flowers rests. Cory grabs it and hands it to Riley.

“You made great choices,” Cory nods, eyeing the flowers.

“She’d hate it if I gave her roses,” taking the bouquet.

August butts in, “I never pictured Maya as someone who will like flowers, in general.”

“She loves ‘em, Auggie—”

“—don’t call me that.”

Riley smiles, as she caresses the flowers gently, “It’s all in the details.”

She got a bouquet of flowers donning a beautiful combination of lavender aster, yellow and lavender poms that perfectly complements the pink, orange, and yellow mini carnations.

It’s true, Maya hates flowers. But not carnations.

Sharon, the old lady who used to live next door to the Matthews’, grew carnations by the small place of her window—the one beside Riley’s room. Everytime Maya had climbed onto the bay window, she always saw those flowers when they’re in bloom. And hey, Maya hates a lot of things in this world but not carnations. Sharon lives at an elder home now. Maya misses her and the life she used to give to that small space beside Riley’s window. She says it reminds her of the days when life was easier.

Sometimes, Riley misses those days, too—when the thought of Maya doesn’t make her heart flutter in ways she doesn’t understand.

.

They arrive at the venue just in time.

Riley wanted to help with the preparations, arguing that Maya’s big day means _all hands on deck_ but Maya wanted her to step back. The artist wanted Riley to see the artworks on opening night, saying it is important to her that Riley witnesses the art the way she hasn’t before.

At first Riley felt a little bit—just a little bit—sad. She was always the first one who saw Maya’s art first. Maya used to talk to her about aesthetics which Riley doesn’t know anything about but she tries anyway. This year, it’s obviously different but she trusts Maya. If Maya says it’s means a lot to her for Riley to show up this way, then she’ll believe her.

(But think about it—Topanga saw all that art first. And Shawn. SHAWN! Riley’s already screaming just thinking about it.)

Old Dave’s Gallery is a neighborhood art space located on the second floor of an old, Victorian building somewhere in Park Slope, Brooklyn. Park Slope is one of Riley’s favorite neighborhoods in New York. With it being one of the most historic cities in the state, you can see influences from the old times and that makes the neighborhood so unique.

Maya and Riley discovered Old Dave’s when they were in middle school.

The owner, Dave, often allows young and independent artists like Maya a chance to showcase their work. He charges rent at a very low price and that has always been his legacy. Old Dave got sick two years ago and on one visit, he made Maya swear that she’s gonna work her ass off to be able to hold her solo, non-school related show at the gallery.

He died on the same year but the fire that he brought in Maya’s eyes, that determination to not let him down—that fire isn’t going to die. If anything, it has gotten stronger. Apart from their middle school art teacher, Old Dave is the one of the first few people who really believed in Maya.

“And here I thought she isn’t gonna show,” Dave, Old Dave’s son, greets by the door. He’s a tall and lean man with long black hair. He has a couple of multi-colored tattoos on his fair skin. His eyes are grey that reminds Riley so much of Old Dave.

He hands them a flyer that was similar to the invitation Maya handed her awhile back.

Riley grins and greets, “Young Dave.” She turns to Cory and August, “Dad, Auggie, this is Young Dave.”

“Old Dave’s son, I assume?” Cory grins.

“Oh, that grin. I can see where this girl gets it,” he says, extending his hand to Cory, a gesture Cory returns with a smile, “I prefer David. But I let Maya and Riley call me Young Dave.”

“Well, Maya calls her _Not-So-Young Dave_ ,” Riley laughs.

“She hurts me,” he jokes.

“Speak of Maya, where is she?” Riley asks.

He shakes his head smilingly, “Get inside and help with that girl’s nerves because I swear she’s going to faint soon. She’s at the back.”

That’s the only cue Riley needs to step inside the gallery.

.

Upon stepping foot inside the gallery, Riley instantly feels the connection she has with the place.

The interior is painted in white with perfectly placed accents of black. It captures quite seamlessly the minimalist expression that the invitation flyer tried to convey. There are a couple of cocktail tables by the entrance door while a small stage, about two feet high, is set up near the big windows to her right. There are music instruments setup by the stage which makes Riley think somebody will perform some songs to light up the event.  

The room is divided into several make-shift walls where different sizes of framed paintings are hung. They’re well-spaced which doesn’t make the artworks cluttered even though it’s a relatively small space.

What surprises Riley is how well-lit the place is. Since it’s a small-time gallery, not much of the budget is spent on good lighting. She looks around and sees a couple of new lamps placed strategically everywhere.

“It’s Shawn, isn’t it, Dad?” she asks without turning to her father who she guesses is also looking around and taking it all in.

“What?”

“The lamps, they’re all new. It’s him, isn’t it?”

This time he turns to her father and sees him smile. He doesn’t answer the question but Riley thinks he doesn’t need to.

.

She makes her way hurriedly to the back of the room, doing her best to avoid looking at the artworks for long periods of time. She promised Maya that she’d be seeing them along with everybody else and she’s going to fulfill that.

As she reaches the back of the room, she sees Maya and the sight of her bestfriend instantly makes Riley smile. The blonde pacing back and forth, obviously nervous about the event.

Maya is wearing a straight-cut, faded blue jeans that’s folded at the ankles to make way for the brown ankle boots that Katy gave her for Christmas. Riley knows this because Katy asked Riley for advice. _I give good fashion advice, Katy._ She tops it with a loose, high-neck white sweater which she matches with a black leather jacket—a jacket Riley recognizes because she helped Maya pick that out last week.

Maya’s hair is let down, flowing beautifully by her shoulders, framing her face perfectly as it always does.

And when did Riley start noticing these things? _I notice things. I am a good observer._

“Hey, have you seen the artist?” Riley starts with a smile. _Was that okay?_

Maya turns to her, face laced with sheer nerves and excitement—and everything else in between, “Riles.”

Maya breathes her name like she means the world to her and sometimes, Riley wants to believe that she’s just imagining all of these but then—

Maya walks to her and hugs her tight, as if thanking her for showing up; as if her presence alone calms her whole world and frankly, that’s what Maya does to her. Maya calms whatever storm Rileytown is facing and it feels good, it feels so damn good to have that same effect on Maya.

She can’t help but respond. She wraps her arms around Maya and she feels the smaller girl relax—like everything is going to be okay.

“You came,” Maya utters with a nervous smile as they pull apart.

“Are you kidding me?” Riley asks rhetorically, taking both of Maya’s hand and looking at her straight in the eyes, “There could’ve been a snowstorm and I’d still show up. You know that.”

Maya eyes her, challenging, “Even if Michelle Obama had a leadership talk somewhere and you have front-row seats with unlimited servings of marshmallows and chocolate dip?”

Riley’s eyes widen, “That’s unfair, Maya!”

Maya laughs, all that stiffness and nervousness from earlier visibly disappearing altogether.

“You would let me watch that talk, wouldn’t you?”

“Even if you miss my show? Well, I—” Maya mocks a _disappointed_ face.

“Oh, come on! That’s Michelle Obama!”

Maya laughs again, “Okay, honey. But Michelle Obama is the only one I’ll let you pick over me.”

Riley grins, “Deal. So it’s Michelle Obama at number one and then you at number two.”

“Deal,” Maya agrees laughingly.

Riley laughs, too.

A beat passes and then they’re silent again.

“You nervous?” Riley asks.

“A little, yeah.”

Riley raises an eyebrow, “A little?”

Maya rolls her eyes, “I was _a lot_ nervous earlier but I’m fine now. You’re here. I mean—a lot of things can still go wrong—”

“Maya,” she interrupts. “Everything will be fine, okay?”

“You think so?”

“Peaches, the place is looking great. I’m sure everyone will love your work. Just believe in yourself, okay? _I_ believe in _you_.”

Maya smiles softly, like she believes every word that Riley just said.

Riley speaks again, “And frankly, I believe in Topanga, too, because she organized this night and that woman is a monster.”

“Ah, truer words have never been spoken,” they hear Topanga’s voice as she joins the conversation.

“Your daughter speaks highly of you,” Maya says laughingly.

“I know,” Topanga nods, eyeing Riley playfully. “Guests are filing in, are you ready?”

“Is it time?” Maya asks.

“Yes, it is.”

“Maya, you can do this,” Riley reassures her.

“Thanks, Riles,” she says, and then turns to Topanga, “Thank you.”

Topanga smiles softly and then places a kiss on top of Maya’s head. “Go,” she encourages.

“Come on,” Maya extends her hand to Riley.

Riley looks down at Maya’s hand for a second before she takes it and smiles, “Let’s go.”

.

They step out into the central area of the gallery and truthfully, the guests have already arrived.

With Riley in tow, Maya starts going around the room to greet everyone and to thank them for coming. Most of the people are from their high school.

Riley started this campaign of _personally_ messaging everyone to invite them to the show and didn’t stop to talk to them until they said they were going. Riley was generally liked at their high school so that was no problem at all. Plus, it’s Maya. Really, Maya’s the only person in their high school that was more well-liked than Riley so telling people to go to the gallery wasn’t that much of a stretch.

Some people committed to coming to the opening night while others promised to drop by during the show’s two-day run. Their batch is pretty tight so even though some are already living out of town, they’ve all promised to come back. Like an unofficial reunion.

There are also some people from Riley’s neighborhood, most of which have known Maya since they were young. They all believed Maya actually lived at the Matthews’ house, which wasn’t exactly a lie.

A few minutes later, Riley tells Maya it’s about time to deliver a welcome speech.

“I have to give a speech?” Maya whines, in true Maya Hart fashion.

“Yes, peaches. I know you hate it but you have to at least thank them?”

“I have to?”

“Okay, that’s little bit too much.”

“Ugh.”

“Ten minutes, okay?”

“Fine,” Maya concedes.

That’s when two other guests come up to them—Aria and Fitz.

“Hey Maya,” Aria greets, arms already spread wide for a hug.

“Aria?” Maya utters in pleasant surprise as she goes in for the hug.

As they pull apart, Maya turns to Riley who grins instantly.

“I invited Aria and Fitz, I hope you don’t mind. I mean, most of the people we invited are from our circles and we need to expand your audience you know,” she explains.

“I also invited people from my class,” Fitz says with a charming smile. “These literary purists dig events like this, you have no idea.”

Maya’s eyes are wide in surprise, and joy.

“I invited some people from my book club. They won’t be here tonight but they said they’ll drop by tomorrow. The NYU liberal arts millennials are all about this.”

“Book clubs are still a thing, huh?”

“Ah, the Maya Hart charm,” Aria says with a laugh.

Maya laughs with her, “Thank you for coming and for inviting your friends. I will definitely not show it but I appreciate it.”

Both Aria and Fitz smile, charmed.

“You do a bad job of not showing it,” Riley notes.

They launch into easy conversation for a few minutes before Maya’s attention diverts to the people who had just come in.

Riley can’t claim to know everyone in Maya’s life but she recognizes this group. It’s the tons of pictures Maya gets tagged to week in and week out. It’s her friends from Lancaster—Hanna and some other people Riley doesn’t recognize. Except for one.

A different kind of somewhat familiar feeling creeps up Riley’s spine.

See, this is where the night gets really interesting.

.

“Maya!” Hanna, calls out from across the room.

Maya’s face lights up. “Han!” the blonde waves her hand.

Hanna and her clique strides swiftly across the room and the next thing Riley knows Hanna and two other people have joined them.

Maya hugs all of them, one by one. She hugs Hanna first, then a good-looking guy with long, beautiful hair, and the last one being—

“Tori, you made it,” Maya breathes before she _melts_ into Tori’s arms.

_She’s even prettier in person._

Riley doesn’t miss the way Tori places a kiss on the temple of Maya’s head, as if she’d been doing it all her life.

“Guys,” Maya turns to them all as she and Tori pull apart. “These are my friends from Lancaster,” she gestures to the newly arrived guests.

She introduces Hanna who gives everyone a small wave. She then introduces the guy Riley has seen in the photos before but Maya hasn’t mentioned. His name is Beck. Then she introduces, Tori, as her _friend_.

For a moment there, Riley lets out a sigh of relief.

“Lancaster people, these are the New York people,” Maya continues.

She introduces Aria and Fitz as Riley’s friend from NYU and then she introduces Riley, her bestfriend.

Tori immediately extends a hand, flashing a seemingly genuine smile that Riley can’t help but _hate_ for reasons she doesn’t understand.

“It’s nice to finally have a face to the name,” Tori says.

Riley manages a smile as she shakes Tori’s hand.

“Maya talks about you a lot,” Tori continues. “At some point, I didn’t think you were real.”

Deep inside, Riley is screaming—asking for somebody to swoop in and save her.

“I hope she said really good things about me,” Riley says, hoping nobody would detect the internal nervous breakdown that is happening and would continue to happen if somebody wouldn’t—

“Hey, I hate to interrupt--” it’s Farkle, of course it has to be Farkle. “—but Topanga just said you have to come up on stage to address the guests. In verbatim she said, _don’t let me drag you up there, Maya._ ”

“You think she means it?” Aria asks laughingly, having met Topanga once. They didn’t have a very long interaction but Aria is good with people.

“Yeah, she does,” Maya says, excusing herself as she walks toward the stage.

As Maya ascends the stage, everyone in the room turns to her. Riley watches her every move. It’s like everything is in slow motion again, and Riley can’t help but feel incredibly proud.

She’s seen Maya doubt her abilities and truly believe that nothing good ever happens to people like her. Seeing her in that pedestal, Riley feels herself… fall. To whatever hellhole she’s falling to, maybe this isn’t the best time to think about it, or define it. Or address it.

“You must be very proud,” Tori says, as she slides next to Riley.

Despite herself, Riley nods, “I am.”

“Have you seen the biggest painting?”

“She asked me not to look yet.”

“You’ll love it,” Tori says.

_She’s seen it?_

Again, Riley swallows whatever violent feelings she has in her throat. She feels Farkle on her other side, putting a reassuring arm around her shoulder. If he noticed the change in Riley’s demeanor, he doesn’t mention it.

Maya grabs the mic and taps it to check if it works, the echo that blares out of the speakers confirms it.

She adjusts the height of the microphone so it fits her better. “Okay, whoever set up this microphone in this height, I am reporting you to the manager,” she jokes, making everyone in the room laugh. She’s a lot more comfortable with her height now. Behind her are the days when somebody calling her _short_ bothered her. It shows in the way she walks and talks, and in the way she smiles—whatever she’s not in control of, she’d learned to let them go.

Riley wishes that kind of comfort, too—with herself, with her truths. Some days, she feels like her upper and lower limbs still don’t agree with her brain. But it’s a process, and she learned from Aria that grace comes with certain maturity. Maybe, Riley isn’t there yet.

“If somebody asked me in middle school, if I wanted to be an artist, I would’ve said yes,” she starts. At this point, she’s got everyone’s attention. “Then again, if somebody asked me in middle school if I wanted to be a store clerk at Goodwill, I also would’ve said yes,” a pause, “I don’t think I knew who I was when I started to draw, except drawing is the only thing that came easy to me.”

This, this is the Maya that _almost no one_ sees outside of the bitter and cold sarcasm. It’s such a sight to see Maya unravel herself.

“I started with light and shadows. I used to watch the sun move throughout the day and I sat through an hour of lecture from Farkle about the relationship of the Earth’s movement with the way the sun shines its light. I almost fell asleep,” she says, making everyone laugh.

Riley chances a glance at Farkle who has a big smile on his face. She knows that he, too, is proud of the woman Maya is becoming.

“I’ve got 18 small pieces here today and one big piece at the end of the display. All of these are inspired by several events and people in my life—all of which and whom are important parts of the person I am becoming. Becoming, a present tense, because I’m still figuring that out. Thank you, everyone, for being here and if you think it’s ugly, keep those comments to yourself, dumbass,” she closes, again making them all laugh.

She descends the stage and starts roaming. Everyone in the room starts going around, switching from one piece to the next. For a short moment, Riley just observes. Maya jumps from one group to another, telling people about the story of the piece they’re currently viewing.

In the middle of it all, Tori and Maya _just gravitates_ toward one another. Riley watches them interact, Tori would laugh at anything Maya says and there are periods of time when Maya would just stare at Tori from across the room. She would shyly look away when Tori catches her staring but Tori would smile, wide and blush whenever she sees Maya.

It’s a real-life romcom unfolding in front of her eyes, only she’s not the one who stars in it opposite Maya. She’s the lead’s best friend, a mere background character who gets cropped out when the two leads stare at each other and start realizing their feelings for one another.

For a moment there, Riley wonders what’s up between the two. For a moment there, Riley wonders if she’s ready to know.

“I can’t take any more of this pining,” Smackle appears out of nowhere.

Her voice snaps Riley out of her thoughts, “What?”

“I’ve been watching you watch them,” she states, matter-of-factly. Sometimes, Smackle’s brutal honesty scares Riley. “You know, there was a time when all this pining would’ve been cute but I’ve waited all of high school if you’re going to do something about it but you never did. So, I pretty much watched a movie with a hugely unsatisfying ending.”

“What?”

“You said that already.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Riley says.

“Obviously,” Smackle nods. “You like Maya,” a full, unadulterated statement.

Riley swallows, a bit shaken but she stands her ground, “I like Maya. She’s my best friend.”

“We’re not in high school anymore, Riley. This would’ve been cute in junior year but now? It’s frustrating. I mean, you _like_ her. _Like-like_.”

“I—I don’t _like-like_ her.”

“Are you sure?” Smackle asks, not looking like she’s buying any of it.

“Yes, she’s my best friend.”

“Then why do you look like you’re about to cry watching Maya and her new _friend_?” Smackle asks, air-quoting the last word.

“No, that’s not—”

“It’s pathetic.”

“You’re rude.”

“I’m sorry.”

Sometimes, she still struggles with this whole _connecting with humans_ thing.

“It’s fine.”

“I’m gonna back off but for what it’s worth? There was a time when she used to look at you like that. I don’t know how you never saw it. We all did.”

Riley opens her mouth to say something but no words come out.

Smackle nods, knowing full well that she hit a nerve.

“You should see the big display at the back, I think it’ll confirm whatever suspicions you may have.”

Smackle walks away after that, blending into the crowd.

Riley stands there, stunned. _What just happened?_ She looks around and tries to find Maya again only to see her with Tori, hands locked with one another laughing with Lucas and Zay.

It’s like Tori just managed to sneak into every corner of this room, and every corner of Maya’s life and suddenly the place is too small to fit Riley in it. It’s like Tori is in every space where Riley should be—and it stings because she feels like she needs to do something but her feet are glued to the ground.

Her mind is running a mile a minute with all the questions she has in her head. _What did Smackle mean by all of that?_

She eyes the back of the room where the big display is.

She walks toward it but he has a feeling that maybe it’s too late.

.

Before Riley could start going around, Topanga announces a short refreshment break for everyone to enjoy a few snacks served by the table at the other end of the room opposite the stage. Drinks are also served by waiters—meaning Lucas, Zay, and Farkle.

Naturally, everyone starts either getting snacks or breaking into groups to catch up. After all, these people are from the same circles.

Riley sees Tori get up the stage and grab the mic. She’s effortless in the way she moves and the way her foot taps onto the ground as the beat starts. She’s so pretty and Riley’s starting to understand why anyone, why Maya, would be drawn to her. Soon as she starts singing, even Riley’s breath hitches. Soon as she starts singing, Riley sees all the battles she can’t win.

**They closed the parkway late last night / And as I sat with the echoes of lies that I told / I felt young, never changed by crooked hearts**

Her voice is exceptional, that’s the first thing Riley notices. The second thing she notices, while everyone around her is busy, is that Tori is looking at Maya.

**So put the shotgun back in the glove / Come on and wait another year for dreams far away**

And Maya is looking at Tori—like nothing else, not even Riley, exists between them.

**To come home, to be brave**

It’s stupid and entirely masochistic, she knows but she can’t take her eyes off it.

How do you react to something like that? How do you stand there and watch somebody you love fall for someone else?

Before she could wallow further in self-pity, she feels a hand tug at her wrists.

“Come on,” Smackle urges, dragging her gently to the back of the room where the big display rests.

There, she sees the highlight of the night.

She looks at the pencil sketch in front of her. The black edges are highlighted with splats of gold. It’s a pencil-pastel sketch of a long-haired girl, sitting by a window as the sun sets behind her. The girl’s face isn’t in detail but anybody who has met Riley would know it’s her.

Riley gasps quietly. “It’s—” she stutters.

“It’s you, Riley,” Smackle confirms what Riley’s mind is screaming right at her.

**Well, everything has changed / And now it's only you that matters / I will find any way to your wild heart**

As she takes the artwork in and as the music plays in the background, Smackle reads the short description placed next to the display.

“Then, There Was Color,” Smackle reads the title aloud. “This is the only piece with color in it. It represents the beginning and the end of every story I tell. Art is subjective, but it takes the right muse to do it well.”

Smackle pauses, pulling Riley out of her trance.

“There’s a short poem here, I think you should be the one who reads it.”

Riley turns to Smackle, “What?”

“Why do you keep saying that?” she asks before she leaves Riley by herself. Sometimes, Riley hates that Smackle has so little knowledge about feelings. In other days, she’s thankful for it.

She chances a glance at the painting one more time, before she reads the poem.

 _you’re the only home i have left_  
_i cannot lose you, too_  
  
_a love letter and a farewell note—at the same time_

Riley doesn’t have words.

The painting, the words, the poem—it all points to one thing. It doesn’t exactly confirm her suspicions but it does add some compelling evidence.

She doesn’t know what else to do so she makes a move toward the center of the room. She sees Maya and Tori, eyes still locked on each other while the brunette is singing love songs. Suddenly, it becomes Riley’s story again—except she’s a B-plot in a romcom, where she’s realizing way too fast but way too late.

**Everything has changed / And now it's only you that matters / I will find any way to your wild heart**

Tori is obviously singing these lines to Maya, an insult to Riley’s already confused and hurting heart; an utter insult to whatever phenomenon is happening at Rileytown.

It all happens so fast after that.

She looks around the room to search for Farkle until he sees him exchanging laughs with Lucas in the middle of the room.

Riley makes her way to him and grabs his wrist.

She drags him out of the gallery. They take the stairs and as Riley’s lungs crave for fresh air, they walk hurriedly until they get out of the building into the sidewalk. As the neighborhood traffic greets her, Riley sucks in and lets out a big, heavy breath. That’s when tears start welling in her eyes.

Everything around her starts to get blurry, except for Farkle’s face. He’s very concerned right now, reaching out help steady her. Is this how drowning feels like?

There’s a faint club music playing from far away, adding to the chaos that is her thoughts and the traffic, and Farkle’s voice asking if she’s okay.

“Farkle,” she starts, heaving; fighting hard to keep her tears from falling. “Tell me the truth because I know you know.”

“I can’t promise you that.”

“I’m asking you to be my friend right now,” her voice is shaking.

Farkle doesn’t say anything which gives Riley hope.

“Does she love me?” she asks. “Maya. Is she—” she stutters, her heart breaking with every word she utters, “ _was_ she in love with me?”

Farkle’s reaction—or the lack of it—is what gives it away. But that isn’t what she wants to ask. Not really.

“Is it too late now?”

There’s a second there where everything just goes silent. The traffic, the club music—all she hears is the beating of her own heart, anticipating an answer she knows isn’t coming. It’s Farkle. He’s never going to take sides.

Farkle just grabs her hands and tugs them toward him. He then wraps his arms around her. He’s trying to calm her, trying to keep together whatever was left of the old Riley he knows. Everything’s going to change after this.

In a big, life-changing, dynamic-altering way, everything’s going to change.

“I think she loved you the best way she knew how,” Farkle says.

“What does that mean?”

“From a distance, from a place she can’t destroy the two of you.”

Riley tries to breathe, to calm herself.

She thinks about the times when Maya didn’t need words to tell her she was in love with her. Riley thinks about the times she may have heard Maya but didn’t listen. Riley thinks of blonde hair and blue eyes; and she thinks that maybe, she has been in love with her, too.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is called, "Wild Heart" by the Bleachers (listen to the version with Sara Bareilles); I'm stabbymcgeee on Tumblr if you wanna, you know, talk.


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